I've Got a Bone to Pick with Jamie Oliver

So remember when I blamed my problems on Oprah? Well, now I’m pointing the finger at Jamie Oliver. Dude, why do hate chicken nuggets so much? I’m on board with your plan to healthy-up the American diet. But your constant assertion that anyone can just whip up their own fabulous meals from scratch in mere minutes is FALSE. Let me tell you a little story...

It started when I watched the British chef on the talk show circuit discussing his new show, “Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution.” Interesting premise, relevant topic, I’m in. I was feeling a little smug if you want the truth. Or perhaps sanctimonious is a better word.

See, unlike those corndog-munching, Mountain Dew-swilling West Virginians, I feed MY children vegetables. Whole-grain pasta. Organic fish sticks. Tofu, even. (So what if half of it gets thrown to the dog. The point is, I’m serving it.) I would never DREAM of giving my kids Coke or Twinkies. (But the occasional sip of Orangina and a cupcake’s OK, right?)

Yeah, well... then I realized that sweets used to be a special treat in our house. Whereas these days, my 3-year-old demands a cookie, popsicle, or piece of Easter candy after every meal. Sort of contradicts the definition of “special” treat, huh?

And although I did not let a smidge of added salt, sugar, syrup, or the like pass my firstborn’s lips until well past his first birthday, I’ve adopted a somewhat looser approach with Kid #2. Let’s just say he’s no stranger to waffles or bacon. So I guess what I’m saying is there’s room for improvement in our family diet.

But I take issue with the chicken nuggets. My 3 y.o. USED to be a good eater. He devoured avocados, hardboiled eggs, even raw bell peppers. And then things changed. Now I’m lucky if can get him to eat a scrap of protein or a raw carrot, ever. So he eats a lot of chicken nuggets. Lots and LOTS of them. And so does his 14-month-old brother. Don’t judge me. At least they’re the baked kind. Unless they’re from Chick-fil-A.

Anyway, that Jamie Oliver got under my skin. He convinced me I could -- and should -- whip up some chicken nuggets from scratch. The thing is, I’m a vegetarian. People who don’t eat chicken should certainly not attempt to cook it. But I did. And it went horribly wrong.

I bought some skinless, boneless chicken, just like Jamie said. I dredged it in egg whites and panko, just like Jamie said. I popped it in the oven and ... 12-14 minutes later it was still pink and gelatinous. I continued to bake and check it while the kids began to wail from hunger. I continued to bake and check it while I nuked them some frozen peas as an appetizer. I continued to bake and check it while I cursed out Jamie Oliver for disparaging my best quick, go-to meal and forcing me to waste Whole Foods chicken by incinerating it into oblivion.

So no, we did not dine on homemade chicken nuggets that night. Although my husband did choke some down out of pity when he came home. So, Jamie? Maybe it’s easy for YOU to whip up a healthy, tasty meal from scratch. But for us moms in the trenches? Those frozen chicken nuggets might be our last link to sanity.

RECIPE O’ THE WEEK: Now that Rachael Ray, she’s a good egg. Her recipes haven’t turned out nearly as terrible for me. Like the Sweet and Sour Thai Noodle Bowls, for instance. You can easily swap in tofu or shrimp if you’re so inclined.