Home Work

You know the classic childhood fantasy: when we grow up, we’ll have the perfect husband, kids, and house with the white picket fence? Then when that fantasy becomes reality you realize that the house and fence need almost as much care and maintenance as the family. Seriously.

Our formerly white picket fence is the least of our worries at the moment. Do you realize that you could go through your house room by room, updating and fixing and renovating, and you would NEVER be done? By the time you got to the last room you’d have to start over again.

Now granted, we live in an old house. But still. Doesn’t this list of issues we’ve had in the past few months seem a wee bit excessive?

- A lingering sewer stench in the newly finished basement
- 2 clogged sinks
- 3 leaky windows, one of which soaked the carpet, which stained the drapes, and another that buckled the paint and cracked the plaster beneath it
- Some kind of animal(s) in the attic
- A strange stain on one bedroom ceiling

If you’re thinking we should have jumped on these issues immediately before they got worse (hi, Dad) then you don’t fully understand what our life is like. Scheduling a plumber around preschool and swimming lessons and doctors’ appointments is hard enough. Actually TALKING to the plumber while one child screams on your hip and the other pillages the guy’s tool kit is another story. Is it any wonder he had to come back 3 times before the issue was resolved?

BTW, the source of the stench was a clog which looked suspiciously like baby wipes. But it couldn’t possibly be, because I’ve told a CERTAIN SOMEONE at least 7 trillion times that you can’t flush baby wipes down the toilet. Moving on...

How hard is it to peek into the attic and see what’s making that scuffling sound? Not hard ... unless it’s a trap-door type attic that you have to access with a ladder through your child’s ceiling. And you don’t own a ladder.

As I watched my husband stack a bathroom step-stool on top of a chair and attempt to climb up this precarious structure, my sons’ behavior was suddenly so clear to me. So THAT’S where Miles got the idea to put a rocking chair on top of his bed and jump off it. And THAT’S why Riley’s favorite trick is to climb up the side of the wood stove and dangle from one hand. I see “America’s Funniest Home Videos” in our future. And a lot more ER visits.

I am amazed that we have been able to get ANY home improvements done around here since we had kids. I literally finished painting the dining room the morning of my 1 y.o.’s birthday party, because my parents were around to watch the boys. It took 2 weeks' worth of naptimes and a couple Friday nights just to finish the trim in the basement.

I have the perfect husband, kids, and house. I just don’t know if we or the house will still be standing by the time the kids get older.

READ O' THE WEEK: The Little Crooked House by Margaret Wild is one of Miles' favorite books. It's about a house in slightly worse shape than ours.