Welcome to Our Home

Hi! Come on in, but watch your step. Those are our muddy shoes from a trip to the park yesterday. And don’t mind the kids’ snowsuits, which I hung on the doorknob to dry -- in February. All those coats on the floor are because of the broken coat rack, which I’ve tried to glue back together 3 times now. The baby thinks it’s fun to knock it down.

Whoops! Watch out for the bowling pins. We turned the hall into a bowling alley the other day when it rained. Ugh, more shredded newspaper? Looks like the dog or the baby got into the recycling bin again.

Here, come on in to the kitchen. I’ll make you some tea. Don’t mind the crunchy floors. That’s just the Cheerios left over from breakfast. And don’t worry, those plastic cups and plates strewn all over aren’t dirty. The kids just like to go through the cabinets and play with the dishes. They use the pot lids for cymbals. And “skateboard” on the cookie sheets. Sorry there’s no place to sit. Miles is using the stools for his fort. Yes, that’s the random pile of junk over there in the corner.

Let’s go have a seat in the family room. Just shove that laundry aside. Don’t worry, that’s clean, too. The kids just dumped it out so they could make a spaceship out of the laundry basket. Contrary to appearances, we actually DO own a toy box. Several of them. But the kids empty them out daily because the toy they want always happens to be at the bottom. After awhile, it just seems pointless to keep putting the toys back, you know?

The bathroom? Sure, it’s the door on your left. Just be sure to close the door behind you if you don’t want an audience. Don’t trip on the Elmo potty next to the tub. And there’s a lock on the toilet, since Riley just discovered how to open it. That will explain any foreign objects you may see floating in there. Wait -- here’s some toilet paper. We don’t keep it on the roll anymore since SOMEONE likes to unroll it every chance he gets. And the soap is that purple bubbly stuff in the SpongeBob bottle. I know it looks and smells like juice, but trust me.

Want something to eat? I think I have some cookies around here somewhere. Oh, wait, sorry. I used the last one as a bribe to get Miles to eat his dinner last night. How about some animal crackers? Cheese sticks? Dehydrated fruit bits? No? Here, let me get rid of your tea bag for you. We have to keep a stack of cookbooks on top of the trashcan so the baby doesn’t throw away the remote control when we’re not looking.

You’ve got to run? Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner? I can nuke up some extra chicken nuggets and frozen corn, it’s no trouble. I just have to give these guys a bath first, before it gets too late and they start having meltdowns. No? Well, maybe another time, then.

Great to see you, too! Yes, that’s a great idea. We’ll get together at YOUR house next time.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Thanks to my dad, we’ve discovered this mini-barrel of Red Truck wine. It’s 4 bottles for the price of 3, and best of all it stays fresh so you can just drink a glass or 2 a night. Much classier than a box, don't you think? ;)