Clothes Call

Look at this shirt, people. He’s been wearing it for approximately 4 hours, and it’s covered with 6 shades of paint and some mustard from his lunch. And probably some dirt and axle grease. Seriously, why do I bother?

I’ll tell you why. Because my son was invited to a birthday party and, God forbid, I wanted the other parents not to think he’s an orphan from a refugee camp. So I put my foot down and suggested—no, FORCED—my son to choose a shirt that a) did not feature a superhero, b) did not feature a monster truck, c) actually fit him, and d) had no visible stains, holes, or rips. You would’ve thought I was squeezing him into a barbed-wire wetsuit.

The kid has something against stripes and collars. Who knows why. A traumatic experience on “What Not to Wear”? Afraid going too preppy will ruin his ironic hipster vibe? Concerned that horizontal stripes don’t flatter his figure? Too bad, since stripes or superheroes are about the only options for boys.

I have heard from mothers of girls that their daughters are complete nightmares when it comes to fashion. Some will only wear dresses, some wouldn’t be caught dead in a skirt. Every time I see little Suri Cruise in the tabloids wearing some seasonally inappropriate get-up -- like rain boots, a tiara, and a sleeveless party dress in December -- I laugh. Even Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have no control over how their little girl dresses.

But let me tell you, boys are no picnic either. Miles may be the next Hugh Hefner, given his intense fondness for pajamas. No sooner have I wrestled him into his school clothes than he comes home for lunch and wants to put his PJs right back on. A new pair, mind you. Does he think I have nothing better to do than laundry?!

Clearly not, given the way he treats his party clothes. Of course, whose idea WAS it to host a 3 y.o.’s birthday party at a paint-your-own-pottery studio? What did I THINK was going to happen? Although it’s worth noting that the birthday girl was dressed in an off-white sparkly dress and got not a DROP of paint on herself. I guess it’s just my kid.

Looking on the bright side, I guess a wardrobe of Batman T-shirts from Target will save me a lot of money in the long run. Money I can spend on more stain remover.

FLICK O’ THE WEEK: I guess I have bad taste in movies since I tend to hate the ones critics love and vice versa. “Couples Retreat” is a good example. Great cinema? No. But I laughed out loud in several places, and found Vince Vaughn’s character surprisingly endearing. Good enough for a Netflix rental.