Evolution of a SAHM: Part II

So last time I began to examine my evolution from blissfully clueless new mom to grumpy dissatisfied stay-at-home mom. But my journey didn’t end there.

When Miles was 3 mos. old, I decided to start working again. Since I am a freelance writer, this was an easier transition than for most moms. I just had to find a sitter, fire up the computer, and start working the phones.

Only, it wasn’t that easy. I took on too much, too soon. Deadlines that would have been no problem pre-baby loomed like tidal waves. Simple phone calls became weeks-long games of phone tag since I could rarely answer, what with my hands full of a wriggling, screaming baby most of the time. I began to question whether it was worth it to try to work at all, especially since paying a sitter offset most of my earnings.

It was time to do what all those preachy magazine articles tell women to do: reexamine my priorities. Was I trying to be Supermom? A successful career woman? A happy homemaker? A well-balanced and sane individual? Through fits and starts, I began finding my way in this new mommy world.

I began to notice, as did my husband, that on days I had a sitter or an activity for a few hours, I was much happier come dinnertime. I didn’t pounce on C. the minute he walked in from work, rattling off a list of home repairs and overdue bills. I didn’t immediately race out the door to the gym, the grocery store, anywhere but home. And I had a renewed affection for my baby. When the sitter left, I scooped him up eagerly, ready to give yet another dramatic reading of “Go, Dog, Go” and sniff his sweet baby head.

I figured out that for me, work has less to do with the paycheck and more to do with having a creative outlet that challenges my brain. Interacting with other adults doesn’t hurt, either. I also learned that exercise and social gatherings make a dramatic difference in my moods.

Now I do Stroller Strides once or twice a week, and go to the gym on my own or with Miles a couple times a week. I’ve made a few new mom friends who I'll get together with for the occasional playdate. I schedule dinners out with girlfriends and hire a sitter so I can go to my writer’s group or out with my husband. I feel more like a whole person these days than “just a mom.”

As Miles has gotten older, he’s also gotten to be more fun. He talks (mostly about trucks and trains), laughs, dances, points out things on our walks (mostly cars and planes), and gives the best hugs. Now that he's got teeth, we can share a bagel at the coffee shop. And he can actually participate in story times and sing-alongs. It also doesn't hurt that he sleeps through the night these days. Most of the time, life as a SAHM is good. (Or am I a p.t. WAHM? Whatever.) I remind myself often to enjoy it; I know these days won’t last forever.

I’ve also finally gotten to a point where I don’t feel like a slacker for taking my son to the park at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday instead of checking my work e-mail. And I don’t pretend to my clients that I work 40 hours a week and have no commitments.

I have different answers to the question, “What do you do?” depending on who’s asking. Sometimes I say I’m a writer, sometimes I say I’m a mom. In my own mind, I know that no matter how many hours I spend at either job or what it says on my tax return, I am both, and I always will be. And I’m glad I don’t have to choose between the two.

It’s taken me 19 mos. to adjust to my new role as a mom. And since the landscape’s always changing, I know I’ll have to readjust often. I wish you all luck in your own evolution. Now I’m going to go check the mail again for that $138,095 paycheck!

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Finding reliable, affordable childcare is a fulltime job in itself. I've tried sitter services, local colleges, and daycare centers, but my best solutions have come from word-of-mouth. Tell everyone you know you’re looking, and something will turn up -- a neighbor’s daughter home from college, a friend’s coworker’s retired mother-in-law, someone who wants to do a nanny share, etc.