Kids Are Bad for the Environment

Boy, this whole “going green” movement couldn’t have come at a worse time. I’d love to help save the planet, but then I had a baby. Sorry, Mother Earth, but kids and eco-friendliness don’t go hand in hand.

First, there’s the diaper issue. I admit I never seriously considered using cloth diapers, but these statistics I found gave me pause: “…roughly 5 million tons of untreated waste and 2 billion tons of urine, feces, plastic and paper are added to landfills annually. It takes around 80,000 pounds of plastic and over 200,000 trees a year to manufacture the disposable diapers for American babies alone.”

Damn. But then I’ve also heard the argument that the extra water used to wash cloth diapers is just as bad for the environment as disposable diapers. Anyway, for me it comes down to 1) cost, and 2) how well they work. I can buy Huggies in bulk at Costco. And my one friend who tried cloth diapers shelled out a couple hundred dollars only to find they leaked constantly.

So I’ve failed miserably at the first of the 3 R’s of environmentalism, “reduce.” How about “reuse” and “recycle?” Well, around the time my son was 1, the media hype about plastic bottles and BPAs reached a frenzied pitch. I considered trading our Avent bottles for glass ones for about half a second. Then I thought, in Miles’ hands, a glass bottle is as safe as a chainsaw. It would be shattered to bits in seconds. Some moms I know bought the BornFree (BPA free) bottles. I, however, abandoned the cause when I found out how much they cost, like so many of my good intentions. So now I use disposable plastic cancer-causing sippy cups.

I have tried to reduce waste by buying big bags of snacks or cereal and divvying them up into reusable containers instead of buying individually packed snacks. But you know what? Those individually packed snacks are damn handy when you’re in a rush. As are disposable plastic placemats, bibs, and any and all kinds of wipes. Heck, Miles can go through a stack of napkins and half a box of wipes after a messy meal. He kills a forest every time he eats a tuna sandwich at Panera. And when he brushes his teeth or washes his hands (really just an excuse to play in the sink), he uses more water than a small African village.

Let’s move on to recycling, shall we? We do a little better with that R. The piles of plastic and cardboard that every toy is packaged in these days go straight into the recycling bin. Ditto the stacks of baby catalogs we now get in the mail every day. And when I’m done with the cancerous sippy cups, I try to recycle those, too. A lot of Miles’ clothes come from consignment shops and we give them away when he’s outgrown them, so that counts as recycling, right?

Look, I’d love to drive a hybrid, buy eco-friendly diapers and organic cotton onesies like the celebrities, and grow all my own pesticide-free food in the backyard. (OK, I’m lying about that last one.) But it ain’t happening. Al Gore can take it up with me once my kid’s out of diapers.

FACT O’ THE WEEK: Women feel “green guilt” nearly twice as much as men. Guess that explains why my husband leaves the water running when he shaves.

PLEA O' THE WEEK: Vote for my photo of Miles "walking" a St. Bernard so I can win $2500!