“You Look Tired”

You know you’re not taking good care of yourself when people start to tell you to your face that you look like hell. OK, not in those exact words, but FYI people? “You look tired,” “You’ve looked better,” and “Are you feeling all right?” are NOT compliments. Even from friends. ESPECIALLY from friends who should know better than to stoke the fires of my raging insecurity.

I don’t need other people telling me I look like crap when I can confirm that fact every day in the mirror. Maybe I’m not a complete horror show, but there’s no denying the dark circles, the crow’s feet, the weird new spots and veins, not to mention the occasional super-attractive zit. (It’s awesome to be a 30-something woman, isn’t it?) Some of this I blame on age, but mostly I blame lack of sleep and stress.

Since I had a baby, I’ve noticed a change in my morning routine. I’ll be in the bathroom doing my makeup, which I only bother to put on because I have the kind of skin that’s practically transparent and my unenhanced eyelashes and brows are nearly invisible, so without some blush and mascara I look like an albino in a snowstorm.

So anyway, without realizing it, I have started backing up so far from the mirror that I run into the opposite wall behind me. And I’m nearsighted. What this means is, I have to be standing a good four feet away from the mirror and squinting before I think I look OK.

Moms are constantly being told to take care of ourselves. I thought I was doing OK, going to yoga semi-regularly and getting a pedicure now and then. But then I went away to a spa, where certified health professionals told me I was severely dehydrated and had so many knots in my back that my muscles resembled a macramé tea cozy.

First let me back up and explain how I found myself at a spa. My aunt in Kentucky had been bugging me to come visit her. C.’s work schedule was impossible to plan around, and I was loathe to travel alone with Miles. So at one point I said, “What I’d REALLY like to do is leave the boys at home and go away to a spa for the weekend.” So that’s what we did.

The thing is, I have Canyon Ranch taste, but a YMCA budget. So we ended up at this place in central Pennsylvania that’s sort of a Christian retreat center with a wellness facility. So the grounds and accommodations are pretty plain, but you can get massages and facials and stuff. Whatever. As I told my aunt, even staying at an airport hotel would feel like a vacation to me. (In fact, I have a friend who did just that when the pressures of parenthood got to be too much. You go, S!)

It was a great weekend. I got poked, prodded, and pampered, drank my weight in herbal tea, and got to sleep as much as I wanted. People gave me cushy robes and clean towels, and served me meals that I didn’t have to prepare or clean up after. It was HEAVEN, I tell you. Except for the food, which in true spa style contained not one drop of butter or oil or cheese. Good thing we’d smuggled in snacks.

And you know what? The trip was a wake-up call that I need to start taking much better care of myself. I make sure my son eats healthy meals every day, and gets enough exercise and sleep. Meanwhile, I stay up too late, I haven’t been to a doctor in 2 years, and I often call a grande vanilla latte lunch.

My aunt, a tough Southern gal who doesn’t mince words, smacked some sense into me. “It’s not going to kill that kid if you take him to the gym daycare instead of the playground a couple afternoons a week!” Maybe she’s got a point. “It’s hard, taking care of a toddler. You need to keep up your strength.” True dat. “You need to eat. He can sit there a little longer while you finish your meal. He doesn’t have to like it, but he’ll do it.” Really? I didn’t know it was an option not to spring up immediately when Sir Antsy-Pants announces that he’s done.

Even now, weeks later, my aunt calls at random times and asks, “Are you drinking enough water? Are you going to the gym?” It’s nice to have someone who cares about my well-being. And who lives in another state so she can’t tell me I look like hell.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Search under “affordable spas” in your area on Spafinder.com. The cross-reference them at Tripadvisor.com, for honest, up-to-date reviews.