5/30/08

I Hate the Playground

When we bought our house just before we got married, the postage stamp-sized yard was actually a plus. It was just big enough that we could enjoy a bit of the outdoors without being bogged down with yard work every weekend. ( I got my fill of that growing up -- thanks, Dad!) However, I have given birth to an outdoorsy type. Therein lies the problem.

Now that it’s nice out and gets dark later, Miles wants to be outside 24/7. The minute he wakes up he’s clamoring to go out: “Wanna go to da park, mama. Go to da playground.” I have decided that I hate the playground. Let me count the reasons:

1. It’s dirty. “Well, duh,” you might be saying. Listen, I’m not some neat-freak who irons her toddler’s play clothes and can’t stand for him to get dirty. But Miles takes it to a new level. He BATHES himself in the dirt, digging it under his fingernails and caking it on his cheeks. He gets wood chips in his hair and every crevice of his clothing. And don’t get me started on the sandbox, which I have on good authority serves as a gigantic litter box for every cat in the neighborhood. Grossed out yet?

2. It’s confusing. We live near a large community playground where there are tons of communal toys left there for anyone to play with. Which is great, except that then Miles doesn’t understand why he can’t hop on every tricycle or toy car he comes across in somebody’s yard.

3. It’s embarrassing. Every time we go to the playground, there’s always at least one super-enthusiastic parent. You know, the one who’s whizzing down the slide with her kid, whooping it up, yelling, “Wow, honey! Great job! Isn’t this FUN?!!” As opposed to me, who’s sitting on a bench looking at her watch.

Miles will home in on this über-parent and follow them around incessantly, even inserting himself between the parent and their child, desperate to get in on the fun, as if he’s some poor, attention-starved orphan. One time he was actually shouting, “Look at me! Look at me!” to this poor dad who was trying to have some quality time with his daughter. Miles, chill! Desperation is not an attractive quality. Honestly, you’d think we ignored him all day.

4. It’s stressful. Another problem with the playground is that you have to constantly break up kid scuffles. “No, sweetie, that’s his truck. You can play with that one.” (Cut to me prying the truck out of Miles’ ridiculously strong grip.) And if the other kid’s parent isn’t watching? Then you’re left in the awkward position of trying to discipline a stranger. “Um, you there -- please don’t spit on the slide. We’d like to take a turn now, if that’s OK.” You never know how a situation like that’s going to play out. Will the kid flip out on you? Will his mom?

5. It’s so hard to say good-bye. Miles has never done well with transitions. That “we’re leaving in 5 minutes” spiel has zero effect. It always ends with me dragging him away kicking and screaming. Except for that one time he allowed himself to be bribed with a cereal bar.

So, there you have it -- four reasons why I try to keep my son confined to our tiny yard. Leave it to me to take the fun out of a wholesome childhood pastime, right? Next week: Why I Hate the Circus and Disney World, Too.

LAUGH O’ THE WEEK: Yesterday we went to our friends’ swim club. We fed the kids lunch there, and I found myself uttering one of those only-a-mom phrases: “No, Miles, we don’t throw carrots in the pool!”

LINK O’ THE WEEK: Mom and actress Melissa Joan Hart (of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” fame) will be blogging about potty training her son. Yep, I’d read that.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your blog! I'm a new mom of a five month old baby girl, and I was desperate to find some stories of other first time moms. Reading your archives has been such a treat and I've resonated with so much of what you have to say! We're not quite at the playground stage yet, but I anticipate similar struggles. I've actually been thankful for warmer weather because the great outdoors seems to be the only thing to cure my baby's occasionally prolonged fussiness!

Mom2Miles said...

Thanks for your comments, Sarah! I remember being so excited when Miles was old enough to go on the baby swing. I never could have imagined chasing him across the playground one day! Even when your baby's too young for the equipment, it's still fun to get out of the house & see other people. Plus the baby probably loves watching the "big kids"!

Kelli @ writing the waves said...

I am not a fan of the sandbox either. We have one in our backyard (husband's idea) and I try my darnest to keep it covered! But I do have to admit, I am one of the moms who goes whizzing down the slide with her kids at the playground. :) Noah loves those huge twisty slides and he seems to tumble the whole way down if he goes by himself (and I'm scared he's going fall off.) I'm a little jealous of the moms who can sit on the bench in the shade. My little guy has no fear so I pretty much have to chase him all over the place. I am more tired from the playground than my kids are when we finally leave.

Anonymous said...

I agree with your reasons. And, for what it's worth, I stare at my watch, too.

Clare said...

Hi new mom! I found your blog searching around the other day, and I just love it! Your humor is great, and I totally feel you with all of the "new mommy" stuff that we just didn't anticpate. We go to the park often, and sometimes it is not very easy to try to get him to come home. This stage is so hard, because they don't really have enough language to bribe them with something. So, I have resorted to just picking up a screaming toddler and heading to the car. I can just feel all of the other mom's eyes buring into the back of my head! Hopefully, it will get easier. Best, Clare

Mrs_Scotsman said...

I like parks (don't hate me). I wanted to comment about the sitting on the bench vs. interactive parents. Bekah and spend ALOT of time during the winter at our Mall's playground. There is one exit and she KNOWS if she steps one pinkie toe outside we are going to leave. I get my get my yummy coffee and sit and read a book. I can't do that outside, but I'm so the mom on the bench.

Anonymous said...

Ugh, I hate the playground too, unless it is empty of children.

My toddler loves to climb, but isn't quite co-ordinated enough to play on all the equipment alone.

Cathy said...

Your playground story is so accurate. I take my kids to the playground because they love it, then I pay for it by dealing with interactions with other kids, getting them to leave, etc. I don't blame you for staying home!

Related Posts with Thumbnails