Is This a Good Time?

I admit it. Pre-motherhood, I used to get annoyed when I’d call my friends who had kids and the conversation would go like this:

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

My friend: “Exhausted. The baby was up at -- No, you can’t have another Go-Gurt! -- 2 a.m. and 4:30 a.m. for no apparent reason and then -- We do NOT sit on our brother’s head!! -- I had to take the car into the shop but -- Hey! Can’t you guys SEE that I am on the PHONE?! The next person who talks gets a time out!… Sorry. You there? Now what was I saying?”

Me: “Um, I’ll let you go. Bye!”

Now I am that annoying, distracted person on the other end. And I’ve learned to start conversations with, “Can you talk?” I used to say, “Are you busy?” But come on, when is a mom NOT busy? If her kids aren’t bleeding and she can chat while she changes a diaper, that’ll do.

BTW, have you noticed that “busy” has replaced “fine” as the default answer to “How are you?” Some people say it as if it’s a badge of honor. “Oh, I’m just SO busy with work and planning my parents’ 30th anniversary party, and plus I’m chairing the committee to ban cupcakes at school and did I mention I’m training for a 10K? I never even have a moment to sit down!” I hate those people. I go out of my way to avoid being busy. Ever. It’s just too stressful.

Unfortunately, stress is unavoidable when you’re a mom. And anyway, the challenge of finding time for a phone call is not really a matter of being busy, but rather, available. It’s not that I’m too busy doing something productive -- like, say, unloading the dishwasher -- when somebody calls. It’s that I’m preoccupied by my son who’s trying to float his Legos in the dog’s water bowl. Or that I can’t talk because he’s just launched himself off the coffee table.

Often, Miles waits until I’m on the phone to do something bad. He knows I’m distracted and will probably let it go. Like, say, if he dumps an entire cup of water on the floor. Or crushes his crackers into the carpet with his truck. When I was away last weekend I called C. at home and heard him yelling, “Miles, stop that!” While C. was on the phone our son had gone into the pantry, grabbed a box of spaghetti, and had thrown it on the floor and was stomping on it.

So if you call me and our conversation is interrupted 7 times in the first 3 minutes, I apologize. If I seem distracted, it doesn’t mean I’m not listening. I can fish a spatula out of the toilet and talk at the same time. Don’t bother asking if it’s a good time to talk because there’s never going to BE a good time. Now, what were you saying again?

TIP O’ THE WEEK: If you don’t have caller I.D., get it. It’s worth the extra $5 a month. My in-laws even have the kind where an automated voice tells you who’s calling. Then you don’t break your neck dashing for the phone in case it’s an emergency, only to get a telemarketer asking how you’re doing this evening.

And also, this came as a shock to me, but YOU DON’T HAVE TO ANSWER EVERY CALL WHEN IT COMES THROUGH. You can call people back at a better time. They’ll never know. Honest.

READ O' THE WEEK: 5 Reasons Why Mom Blogs Are the Blogs to Watch. But we already knew that, right? ;)