Month 22: If I Wanted Your Advice...

Lots of new moms have stories about being accosted by nosy strangers giving them unsolicited advice about how to care for their babies. Like, “That baby should be wearing a hat!” or “Your baby’s hungry/tired/cold.” As if they know anything at all about your baby and you’re too stupid to consider those options. Some moms suggest snappy comebacks like, “Oh, really? You mean you have to FEED them?”

In the interest of spreading around some good mom karma, I would like to report that I have never been the victim of such obnoxious “advice.” In fact, I have been pleasantly surprised by just how kind and supportive most people have been to me as a new mom. I’ve had people hold doors open for my stroller, smile understandingly when my baby screamed his head off in public, and even hold my baby while I threw up on a plane. If that’s not the height of kindness, I don’t know what is.

Then again, there was that time at the library. First, let me set the scene: I had this book I’d checked out months ago. I’d renewed it the maximum number of times because I could never find time to read it. I had already racked up enough late fees that I could’ve purchased the book in hardback. But I could never seem to get to the library to return it. Miles was in the stage where he would only tolerate being strapped into the carseat for limited periods of time. If you let him out, chances were exceedingly slim that you’d ever get him back in again.

I asked my husband to return the book for me. It floated around in his car for awhile, where it threatened to be lost forever among the Red Bull cans and gum wrappers. Finally I snatched it back and swore that I would return it that week, come hell or high water.

So. Miles and I were on the way back from Stroller Strides. I had already stopped at Trader Joe’s, thereby using up my one carseat transfer for the day. We were driving by the library, where there happened to be a parking spot out front. I’d just leave Miles in the car for a second and dash over to the book drop -- a few yards away and in full view of the car.

I did feel a little nervous about carjackers or a sudden heat wave, but I decided to take my chances. Wouldn’t you know it? Just as I approached the book drop slot, an older woman with a tote bag full of back issues of Martha Stewart Living strolls up -- and proceeds to return them ONE AT A TIME!! I could feel my blood starting to boil. Finally, I chucked in my book and ran back to the car. (Real time elapsed: approximately 7 seconds. Felt like: an ETERNITY.)

A woman was standing on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette. “That your car?” she called. I opened the door. “You can get a citation for that, you know. Leaving a baby in the car like that. I work at the court house, and they give out citations for that.”

Oh. No. She. Didn’t. This is NOT the day to mess with me, lady. Do you have any IDEA how hard it was for me to run this one damn errand?? In a fit of rage, I imagined pummeling her with overdue library books. It took all my self-restraint to keep my mouth shut, get in the car, and drive away.

However, except for that one incident … and some unhelpfulness in the airport security line … and some dirty looks when my son has run amuck in the mall … I have found people to be overwhelmingly supportive of new moms. If you have not been so lucky, maybe together we can come up with some snappy comebacks. Like when someone scolds you for not putting a hat on your baby, telling that person just where they can stuff their hat.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Some libraries, like mine, let you renew your books online. Even more helpful would be a drive-thru book drop.