Notes for Newlyweds

My cousin is getting married next month, and I was asked to write down some advice on marriage for the bride and groom. People did this for us when we got married and while I wouldn’t say it was the most helpful advice ever (let the little stuff go?!), it was entertaining and I enjoyed reading what people had to say.

First, let me just tell you how hard it was to dig back into my addled mommy brain for some memories of our marriage pre-baby. Even though it was barely 2 years ago, it feels like another lifetime. I hate to admit it, but I’ve become one of those annoying people who says things like, “You think picking up your husband’s dirty socks is a pain? Just wait till you’re dealing with a bazillion dirty baby socks and onesies per day!!” Helpful, right? Just what a newlywed wants to hear.

I never feel that comfortable dispensing advice, though. It makes it seem like I’m some kind of authority and that my way is the right way. When really, it’s just what’s worked for me. And actually, I prefer telling people what NOT to do. Why shouldn’t someone learn from my mistakes? For instance, just because your child likes banana muffins doesn’t mean you should spend all afternoon whipping up 2 dozen healthy broccoli and cheese muffins. Because they will smell like feet and go straight in the trash. Your husband won’t even choke one down. Just something I’ve learned.

But that little anecdote wouldn’t look too nice in a scrapbook now, would it? So I’m forced to come up with something a little more, um, Hallmark in nature. Let’s see …

I actually think I might have a clue when it comes to marriage. C. and I have been through some stuff, that’s for sure. Namely, him losing his job right after our wedding and right after we’d bought a house and being out of work for over a year. Yep, that sucked. And having a baby was no picnic, either. There were some hormone-fueled scenes I’d rather not remember, some days when sleep-deprivation got the better of us. Like that one time in the middle of the night when I priced plane tickets for me and the baby. (As if I could have run away carrying all that baby gear myself!)

But we got through it. And we still love each other, even more than we did all those carefree child-free years ago. What’s our “secret”? Well, marrying the right person is one. Finding someone who makes you laugh is key. And someone who is supportive of you and wants the same things (like kids, and democracy, for instance).

In all seriousness, I think my advice to the newlyweds is to constantly remind your spouse that you love and appreciate them. No one ever gets sick of hearing, “I love you.” C. and I try to thank each other regularly for cooking dinner or doing something especially nice (say, cleaning out the car or changing a poopy diaper when it’s not your “turn”). That little stuff goes a long way, in my opinion. And, no, even after 4+ years of marriage, I don’t let everything go. Leaving your dirty socks lying around is just GROSS, people!!

TIP O’ THE WEEK: It may be standard practice now, but I just love when people include an e-mail address to RSVP to an invitation. Especially with time zones and long distance rates, it’s so much easier for me to find time to zip off an e-mail than make a phone call. Emily Post be damned!