Diary of a Frustrated Writer

People, today I’m going to give you a glimpse behind the curtain here at Diary of a New Mom. Not that you asked … but I’ve decided to drop the cloak of semi-anonymity for a moment and tell you just how and why I choose to write about my sub-par cooking, my son’s tantrums, and my husband’s dirty socks week after week for all to read.

I am a freelance writer by trade. Depending on how you look at it, that either means that I have a problem with authority and can’t hold down a regular job, or that I’m an entrepreneurial creative type who believes in life beyond a cubicle. Guess which version I prefer? ;)

It makes me laugh when people remark on the instability of my profession. “What about health insurance and a steady paycheck?” they ask. To that I reply, “Dude, I worked for two magazines that folded, a dot-com that tanked, and a media company that reorganized my entire department out of our jobs. Does that sound stable to you?” Believe me, the freelance life is rock-solid in comparison.

It also makes me laugh when people say, “Lucky you! Freelance writing is the perfect job for a mom.” As if long hours on the computer and phone mesh seamlessly with tending to the every need of a tiny, helpless human being all day. We work from home! In our pajamas! We don’t need childcare! So the thinking goes. As any work-from-home mom knows, that’s a load of horse puckey. (This blogger debunks some other freelance myths.)

But freelancing does have its perks, one of them being flexibility. I can decide what assignments to take on and when, and as long as I meet my deadlines, no one cares if I do my work at 9 a.m. or 9 p.m. Here’s the thing, though: to use a non-vegetarian metaphor, you only eat what you kill as a freelancer. I have to FIND the work before I can do it. I have to SELL the story before I get paid for it. And that, people, is the hard part.

I spent the early part of my career writing about anything and everything -- North Carolina’s Woolly Worm Festival, Baltimore’s best lawyers, feng shui, low-carb bagels, you name it. As I honed my journalism skills, I discovered I enjoyed writing first-person stories. Real life is endlessly fascinating to me, and whose life do I know better than my own? So I started publishing some personal essays. I wrote about wedding planning nightmares, life as a broke newlywed, my tendency to faint at the doctor’s, and even about my belly button. (Coming soon to a newsstand near you!)

Well, guess what? EVERYONE wants to write about themselves. EVERYONE thinks their life is fascinating. And almost everyone thinks they can write. That means publications are bombarded by a gajillion submissions from writers and would-be writers. Some don’t even care if they get paid; being published is enough.

Editors have told me, “This is great, but we already have tons of essays awaiting publication” or “We only buy a few essays a year,” or (usually from web sites), “We don’t pay for essays since our users provide content for free.” Right. That produces such gems as this, from an article on a popular parenting web site on how to keep your toddler from running off in public:

my son is 2 and half got a harness it looks like a horse and not curl looking he likes it i only let him see it when i am goign to use it .i tell him he giving his horsey a ride.

Sometimes freelancing is like dating gone wrong. An editor of a national parenting magazine once commissioned an essay, which I spent weeks writing. When I sent it in she gushed, “This is a winner! We may be able to get it in the next issue.” Several follow-ups later, I got: “We’ve decided to pass.” I told myself it’s not me, it’s her.

So last year I thought, “Why don’t I just write a book?” You know, because that’s so much easier. ;) At a writers’ conference, I met a publisher who was interested in a book based on this blog. JOY!! I racked up 50+ hours of babysitting time putting together a book proposal. Her response? “Thanks, but no thanks.”

I kept sending it out, only to hear, “There are too many pregnancy and parenting books out there already.” Or, “Books about an everyday person’s experience don’t sell.” With everyone from Jenny McCarthy to Brooke Shields penning parenting books these days, writers need to be celebrities in their own right just to get a book deal. (Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, like those girls who wrote "The Nanny Diaries.")

Anyway, I’ve channeled my frustration with the publishing world into my current labor of love -- this blog. That’s right, dear readers. I am using my God-given talents and years of journalism experience … to write about my life every time I feel like it for the enjoyment of the universe at large. For nothing more than the pleasure of self-expression and some positive comments. Which I love, so keep ’em coming. :) Take that, editors!!

BTW, it’s my professional opinion that much of the funniest, cleverest, most relevant writing these days is not found on the bestseller shelf, but right here in the blogosphere by YOU, my fellow bloggers. Let’s keep up the good work!

PRESS O’ THE WEEK: Check out my interview on 5MinutesforMom.com.

LINK O’ THE WEEK: Speaking of Jenny McCarthy, she and Leah Remini and Chelsea Handler are hilarious at IntheMotherhood.com, where they star in “webisodes” based on stories viewers have submitted (for free!!).