Month 11: Can You Hold My Baby While I Puke?

Traveling with a baby isn’t that hard. Especially when they’re still in the womb. Everyone’s nice to a pregnant lady. People will smile at you, help you with your bags, maybe even let you cut ahead of them in the security line. Once you’re traveling with a squirmy little carry-on, though, all bets are off.

I flew Southwest this weekend with Miles to visit my parents. Wouldn’t you know the seat next to us stayed vacant until ALL the other seats on the plane were taken. I understand. I’d probably do the same thing even now if I was traveling sans kid. Who wants to get kicked in the elbow the whole flight or worse, sit next to a screamer?

Before we even got on the plane, though, we had to navigate the airport. Picture one mom, one baby, three bags, one stroller, and one enormous carseat rolling into baggage check. Then came security. Remove shoes, jacket, baby’s jacket, liquids from diaper bag, baby from stroller, throw everything onto the conveyor belt and schlep through the metal detector.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t fold up my stroller one-handed while holding a 21-lb. baby. Thank god the security guy helped me. (On the way there, not on the way back. And that one was a woman. Thanks, lady. Appreciate it.)

So then we’re waiting to pre-board (LOVE that!) and all these older gents start chatting me up, talking about their grandkids. That’s fine, I’m happy to chat. Except one guy somehow segues the conversation to his ex-Playboy bunny second wife and proceeds to show me photos on his phone. Um, yeah, so about your grandkids?

Some single guy got stuck next to us on the way up. He immediately commandeered the armrest and attempted to sleep. Sorry, no chance with an active 10-mo.-old next to you! Fortunately, the flight was only an hour so my wrestling match with Miles didn’t last too long.

Things weren’t so easy on the way back, though. It was a bumpy flight and I have a weak stomach. (Can you see where I’m going with this?) God bless the high school girl next to us. She not only entertained Miles with her purple fingernails and sparkly rings, but she actually held my baby while I made use of an airsickness bag. Oh, the horror.

On the upside, Miles entertained the troops the entire weekend, barely cried, and slept like a champ at his grandparents’, unlike our experience at Christmas.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Pack a couple extra plastic bags in your carry-on in case, oh, I don’t know, your whole entire row is out of airsickness bags when you need one! Thanks, lady across the aisle. You saved me just in time.