The More Babies I Have, the Less I Know

I spent part of my morning cleaning baby poop off the wall and pen off the couch, courtesy of my second-born and first-born, respectively. Don’t let anyone tell you new motherhood isn’t glamorous. I’m sure that’s exactly how Gwen Stefani spends her mornings, right before she trots off to Rodeo Drive in her platform shoes and perfectly applied makeup.

You’d think I’d have a leg up, having had a baby boy before. But as we’ve learned here time and again, you’d be wrong. The first boy taught me to beware the dreaded pee in the face. (Even so, it’s already happened to Riley. Sorry, buddy. Mom’s a little slow on the uptake these days.) But Baby Boy #1 did not prepare us for projectile pooping.

Late one night, C. was changing the baby’s diaper when he gave a shout and jumped back from the changing table. Baby poop everywhere. Like the best description I once read in a book, it looked like someone was stomping on mustard packets in clogs. “I didn’t even know that was POSSIBLE!” C. exclaimed. Days later, we discovered splatters a good three feet away from the changing table. Good thing we never got around to repainting THAT room.

So, anyway, on to the much less unpleasant pen on the couch. It may sound like typical 2-year-old antics, but Miles has never been the destructive type. Sure, he experimented with some crayon wall art and tearing the pages out of books, but mostly these were one-time offenses. Now, though, he’s taken it to a new level. Tantrums, kicking, talking back, and tears are all part of our daily life lately.

Once again proving how naïve I am, I took it as a good sign that Miles has been so affectionate to his baby brother. I’d heard horror stories about siblings who’d tried to hurt a new baby or shunned them entirely. Even our pediatrician said repeatedly on Riley’s first visit: don’t leave the kids alone together, ever. And yet I smugly thought to myself, “Look how well he’s adjusting!” as I watched Miles rub Riley’s head and tuck his favorite toy into the bassinet. “Look, Mom, I’m sharing,” he told me proudly.

So how to explain the tantrums and destructive behavior? I turned to my Bible, What to Expect the First Year for help. In the Q&A section on siblings, there it was:

Q: My son shows no hostility toward his new sister. But he’s been acting very moody and disagreeable with me.

A: (I’m paraphrasing here.) Some older siblings see no point in taking things out on a helpless newborn, so they turn to the next best target: mom or dad. A first-born may vent his feelings toward his parents by throwing tantrums (check), exhibiting regressive behavior (check), refusing to eat (check), or rejecting his parents entirely and turning to someone else as a “favorite” (and check!) This type of behavior is a common and normal part of the adjustment period.

The book advises not to take it personally, don’t scold or punish, but respond with patience, understanding, reassurance, and extra attention. And to remember that this will pass—in a few MONTHS! Hmmph. Easier said than done.

As always, I find it much more helpful to read about the experiences of real mothers rather than just consulting the experts. This week, I’m identifying especially with Kristina Riggle, author of “Small Sacrifices” in A Cup of Comfort for New Mothers . From guilt trips to engorgement, she’s been through it all and lived to write about it. My kinda gal!