I’ve never had a reason to dislike J.Lo. Until now. I mean, what new mom of 1-month-old twins looks this good?! And claims she ENJOYS getting up for 3 a.m. feedings? A mom who’s got not one but two round-the-clock baby nurses, that’s who. And is it just me, or is it a little odd that she decided -- before the birth, without even giving it a try -- that she wasn’t going to breastfeed? Is that even legal these days? Of course, if you’re J.Lo, people probably aren’t giving you the evil eye at the park for feeding your babies formula.
I have a new theory about people who can’t stop extolling the joys of early parenthood, and/or are already planning the next baby before the first one’s umbilical cord falls off. They are either a) insane, or b) don’t take care of their own children 24/7. I’m just saying, if you’ve got live-in help, aren’t nursing, aren’t losing much sleep, and a baby has very little impact on your normal lifestyle then, sure, what’s not to like? Have another! Hell, have 7 others! (I’m joking, Angelina Jolie.)
Then again, I do know a few regular people who can’t wait to expand their families soon after the first baby. Those moms tend to have had easy births and babies who are good sleepers. Whereas the ones who had hellish recoveries from C-sections, colicky babies, postpartum depression, etc., are a little less eager to take another go at it. Writer Lauren Fox gives a thoughtful take on her anxiety about the impending arrival of her second baby in “One More Time?” in the March issue of Babytalk. (Free at Babies 'R' Us, BTW.)
So what’s MY problem? I’ve mentioned my fear of having another baby before. I have no good reasons for this. As births go, Miles’ wasn’t easy by any means, but it wasn’t as bad as some, either. He didn’t sleep through the night till he was 10 mos. old, but he didn’t have colic and he’s a great sleeper now. We still travel, go out, and have houseguests, so he hasn’t impacted our lifestyle THAT much. And yet …
In Fox’s essay, she explains why she waited 4 years to give her daughter a sibling. I have to say, that made me breathe a sigh of relief. I still have time. I get a little anxious these days every time I meet a mom who has a baby the requisite 2 or 2.5 years younger than her last child. Even I am exactly 2.5 years younger than my brother. It’s like that’s the cosmic rule of sibling spacing, and I’m violating it. Of course, there are families with siblings of all different ages. But you have to admit, after a year or two, if you’re planning to have more than one child, the subject of Baby #2 comes up. A lot.
It’s funny, though -- to borrow an analogy, can you imagine being so happy with your spouse that you say one day, “I’m having so much fun with one husband, I think I’ll bring home another!”
But I sure do love babies. Those fuzzy little heads, those sweet pink toes … I had started to forget just how appealing newborns can be … until I saw those ridiculously cute little twins of J.Lo’s. Damn her and her People magazine photo spread!!
READ O’ THE WEEK: What No One Tells the Mom
QUOTE O’ THE WEEK: “I’d rather have roses* on my table than diamonds on my neck.”
–Emma Goldman (*or, in my case, tulips or Gerber daisies)
4/4/08
Month 23: Baby, One More Time
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6 comments:
Oooohhh....I LOVE Gerber Daisy's, they're my favorite!
I tend to agree with you on the fact that those women who had tough beginnings with their first child are more reluctant to move on to number 2. My son was pretty easy so I guess that explains the whole 15 months apart for my two? Anyway, lots of women get motherhood amnesia which is when they start dreaming about subsequent children. I'm guessing that's how the species survives, yes? Truly though, any age spacing is hard no matter if it's 10 months apart (I know a lady at church who is in THAT situation) or 14 years apart (take my brother and I as an example). Each gap has some kind of challenge, it's just a different one. I'd tell any mom to take your time and be comfortable about making the decision to have another. I haven't read that article yet but I'm sure the magazine is in my backed-up "To Read" pile, it sounds interesting.
PEOPLE SAY DUMB THINGS...
BUT I LOVE THE LINE ABOUT 9 MONTHS LATER.
IF I EVER DAY IT THOUGH, SOMEBODY JUST SHOOT ME.
(YES, IT WAS ONE OF those DAYS)
I know it's crazy to think there's a formula for "perfect" spacing. You're right, every age gap has different issues. I know siblings 10 years apart who are super close, and ones a year or 2 apart who barely talk.
I think however far apart you choose to have your children is your own personal business. I mean, you could have 8 years between them and no one has the right to tell you that it wrong.
I had a colicky, screaming non sleeping baby and I was still clucky when she was 5 mths old. Maybe that is just my pre disposed genetics?
(That said, she is 19 mths old and we are still trying to get pregnant.)
With my son, it took us nine years, several pregnancies and lots of other "fun" stuff along the way to have him. Once I managed to reach the stage of viable pregnancy, I was hit with an incompetent cervix at week 16 (surgical intervention required, and I had to start working from home instead of going into the office), gestational diabetes and a continuous slew of other medical concerns (all based on experiences from my past pregnancies), all of which culminated in the grand finale of giving birth, where I had complications that became life-threatening.
Once we got past all that, I told anyone who would listen that I was never going through all of that again. Not a chance in hell.
Our son is now almost four years old. Guess who's thinking about trying for another one? Perhaps I should change my name to "Glutton for Punishment..."
I'm so glad my Babytalk essay resonated with you! Thanks for taking the time to discuss it. My girls are actually almost five years apart, and, for what it's worth, and having given the topic a lot of thought, I've come to the conclusion that the relationship between siblings is more about their innate personalities, which we have no control over, than about the years between them. I can already see how much my daughters adore each other - of course, that could be because the younger one can't yet steal her big sister's toys. Anyway, thanks for reading the article!
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