Too Good to be True

People, you had to know this day would come. I’ve been merrily going about my business, blithely blogging about shopping trips and celebrity babies and C.’s fabulous new job which, after an arduous but temporary training period in another state, will allow him to work from home, thereby making life easier for all of us. Right? All together now: WRONG.

Look, I know we’re currently living in an era of positive thinking and the law of attraction and living your Best! Life! Ever! Oprah and Dr. Phil and Joel Osteen and any number of self-help gurus would have us believe that if we’re not 100% fulfilled and happy and financially stable with our dream jobs and perfect families, well, we’re just not focusing enough on the positive, darn it. We Negative Nellies are bringing our bad fortune upon ourselves, and we need only think happy thoughts and the blessings will rain down upon us – Money! Great sex! Good looks! Well-behaved children! The respect of our colleagues and communities!

Sorry, I’m getting carried away. Look, I love me some Tony Robbins as much as the next gal. But as much as I try to fight my naturally pessimistic tendencies, I just can’t help but think that sometimes, crap happens for no good reason. And you have to take the bad with the good. And you reap the best rewards from working hard. And if something seems too good to be true, it is. That has certainly proven to be true with this work-from-home thing.

Now, before you say “I told you so” (you know who you are!), let me assure you that I am no stranger to the challenges of working from home. I have been doing it for years. I know you don’t just shuffle on over to your desk in your bunny slippers whenever you feel like it, turn on your computer and rake in a six-figure paycheck. I am fairly sure that C. knew this as well. Especially since he has the benefit of my firsthand experience, working outside the land of on-call tech support and free coffee in the break room.

So, anyway, well over a month ago, C. started getting the basement set up as his home office. He called our phone company, Verizon, to get another phone line installed at the house that he would use for work. Apparently, Verizon understood “install new phone line” to mean “disconnect DSL.” An easy mistake to make, right? I mean, there’s so much room for confusion.

The thing is, when you work from home, you are completely and utterly dependent on your phone and Internet connection. They are your lifeblood, if you will. Your sole connection to the outside world. If you work in an office and e-mail’s down, you better believe a whole team of tech guys are ON it, ASAP. Whereas if you work from home, you ARE the tech support guy. So you’re the one on hold with the phone company for a bajillion hours, explaining to one minimum-wage employee after another that you ARE in fact a Verizon account holder and have been for years, and that NO your credit card hasn’t expired, and NO you most certainly did NOT mean “disconnect DSL” when you said “install additional phone line.”

I won’t bore you with the rest of the gritty details. Suffice it to say, C. has gotten no work done for days. Tensions are running high in our house. Did I mention I also work from home and am dependent on the phone and Internet? (I’m posting this from Panera, BTW.) And that we’re going on our first cross-country trip with the baby next week? And that I have a project due before that? And that our car was struck by a hit-and-run driver the other night? Which requires filling out a police report in person? (With a toddler in tow? Yeah, right.) And that Miles has a new habit of sprinting headfirst into traffic? (He doesn’t understand that a cul-de-sac is still a street.)

Tony … Joel … Dr. Phil … ANYONE. Tell me how the HELL we’re supposed to “positive think” ourselves out of THIS situation!! And, people, the next time you catch me proclaiming just how wonderful life is? Please smack some sense into me. It only means there’s a surly, underpaid customer service rep waiting in the wings to wreak havoc.

LINK O’ THE WEEK: So after I wrote this, I watched Primetime with Diane Sawyer about a guy with terminal pancreatic cancer who’s using his remaining days to encourage and inspire others. Check out his “Last Lecture” on YouTube. Kinda puts things in perspective, huh?

TIP O’ THE WEEK: By eavesdropping on another mom at Barnes & Noble, I discovered Trader Joe’s Snapea Crisps. They have the texture of Cheetos and a pleasantly salty, mildly pea-like flavor. Miles snaps them up (pun intended). Since they contain some protein, I figure they’re better than potato chips.