Everyone's a Critic

I’ve realized parenting and writing have something in common: at some point, you’re going to encounter critics. Whether you want their opinions or not, people are going to tell you what they think. Often inappropriately, rudely, or even anonymously, if we’re talking about the Internet.

It’s a fact that if people like something they will keep it to themselves or tell only a few people, whereas if they’re unhappy they’ll shout it from the rooftops. That’s just human nature. Unfortunately, this means that parents and writers are often the targets of unsolicited, unconstructive -- if not downright mean -- feedback. Really, what part of “Can’t you do that somewhere else?” is helpful or supportive to a nursing mother? And what lesson might a writer or blogger glean from someone who comments, “Are you trying to be funny or are you really that dumb?” Um...

Let’s say, HYPOTHETICALLY, that you were to publish what you thought was a glaringly obvious satire of “inappropriate” themes in children’s books – say, cannibalism (Hansel & Gretel) and the glorification of eating disorders (The Very Hungry Caterpillar). Let’s say this essay was published in a prominent, respected national magazine with an educated readership. And let’s say you were especially proud of this accomplishment, since your professional life has all but fizzled out like a dying campfire due to the demands of raising 2 small children.

Now let’s imagine you received not 1, not 2, but perhaps a dozen or more rude e-mails or mentions in blog posts that basically boil down to “I read this completely literally and you are what’s wrong with America. And your article sucks, too.” Your first reaction as a writer might be to question whether, if these people cannot recognize GLARINGLY OBVIOUS humor, published in a known HUMOR COLUMN, they have any business reading this prominent, respected national magazine, or whether they might be better off sticking to Us Weekly, where the most taxing intellectual challenge they will encounter is to determine “Who wore it better?”

But your next reaction might be, “This sucks. People suck. I suck.” And that’s pretty much the exact same reaction I have when some holier-than-thou parent responds to my jokes about “Wow, Wow, Wubbsy” by saying they wouldn’t DREAM of allowing their child to watch TV since TV has been proven to kill children’s imaginations, strangle their souls, and make them fat and antisocial to boot. Or when someone gives me crap about wandering 3 feet from my cart down a grocery aisle while my poor, abandoned baby risks being kidnapped on the other side of the avocado display.

GIVE ME A BREAK, PEOPLE!! Consider the power of your words and actions. I do, every day. Every time I sit down at my computer to write an article, a blog post, or a comment on someone else’s work, I think of the person on the other end. I really do. And every time I say something to another mom I don’t know, I think of their feelings. That’s why I usually say, “Oh, mine does that, too” while rolling my eyes instead of, “What the hell’s the matter with you and your damn kid that he won’t stop throwing sand at everybody?!”

I’ll leave you with this: perception is often very different than reality. One of the people who reacted negatively to my essay actually wrote back to apologize when I explained that the piece was published in a humor section (and therefore MEANT TO BE FUNNY). She didn’t know, because she didn’t read the magazine regularly; she’d read the piece online. Well, how about them apples?

In thinking about the themes in this post, I collected some of my favorite writings on these topics. All of these people are both parents and writers. Funny. :)

Scary Mommy: “A**hole Comments: A Collection of the Best”
Alisa Bowman: “My I Don’t Suck List”
Finslippy: “In the Locker Room”
Connie Schultz: “A Connecting Flight”