It's All Coming Back Now...

I’ve observed a particular phenomenon that occurs when the older generation encounters today’s parents. As burning as a grandparent's desire to see a new baby is the urge to dispense advice and platitudes to the new parents. Most older folks are convinced that our generation has ridiculously complicated the issue of raising children. In general, I’d tend to agree.

But it’s funny how that smug confidence can morph so quickly into irritation and confusion. After decades of glossing over the past, the grandparents begin to remember what it was REALLY like when their kids were small. Ideally, this leads to understanding and appreciation -- and if you’re lucky, like me, grandparents who are willing to get right in there and help tackle the rigors of today’s baby-raising. Let’s take a look at the transformation, shall we?

Before coming to visit:
“Raising my kids was the best time of my life! I loved every minute with my little angels. Enjoy it because it goes so fast.”

A couple hours into the visit:
“Why is that baby crying so much? He’s hungry. Well, then he has gas. Doesn’t he ever sleep?”

A couple days into the visit:
“I’d forgotten how much babies cry. Why, you cried so much that we had to move because the neighbors complained. I still haven’t regained full hearing in my left ear. Here, you take the baby. I’m going to go do the laundry.”

Before coming to visit:
“You moms today think you’ve got it so hard. We didn’t have any of those fancy gizmos you all have now. You slept in a drawer and you liked it!”

A couple hours into the visit:
“The baby monitor? Isn’t that what this thing is? Oh, that’s a BREAST PUMP? Well, I’ll be! What about this thing? That’s your phone?!

A couple days into the visit:
“My, he sure does like that swing, doesn’t he? Nice how it has music and vibrates. And that bouncy seat is a godsend! How did we ever make dinner without those? We better find batteries for the portable CD player pronto because you know the baby can’t sleep without his nature sounds!”

Before coming to visit:
“I raised kids too, you know. I know a thing or two about babies.”

A couple hours into the visit:
“What? You can’t put babies on their tummies now? And why CAN’T he have blanket in the crib? And what do you mean I put the diaper on backwards? I thought Elmo went on the front and the little tab-thingies in the back.”

A couple days into the visit:
“Well, of course he’s not settling down, sweetheart, you forgot one of the 5 S’s. What are they again? Swaddling, swinging, sucking, shushing ... side! You need to put him on his side, THAT’S the ticket...”

LINK O' THE WEEK: Speaking of things that look different in hindsight, have you taken a fresh look at some of those classic books you're reading your little ones? Check out my humor essay, "Green Eggs and Salmonella?" on the hidden hazards of popular children's books.