How Does She Do It?

So I was at a moms’ group one time and got to chatting with this SAHM who has 3 kids, takes them all grocery shopping with her, grows her own vegetables, and probably weaves her own rugs from wool she shears from organically-fed sheep she raises in her backyard.

Not surprisingly, the rest of us were amazed. “How do you do it?” we marveled. She ducked her head modestly and muttered, “Oh, well, you know, it’s not that hard..."

No, really. I want to know EXACTLY HOW you do it. I want specifics, logistics, timelines! When you take all 3 kids to the supermarket, do you pile them all into one of those carts that looks like a car? The ones that are impossible to steer, so you end up running into people’s ankles when you try to round the corner of the cereal aisle?

And then when you get back to your car, do you unload the groceries first or the kids? Do you hold onto the cart with your foot to keep it from rolling away? Do you start the engine and roll down the windows first if it’s hot out? Then do you return the cart to the store while praying no one kidnaps your kids in the idling car, or do you just leave the cart in the parking lot?

These are the things baby books should really tell you. Like, how do you use a public bathroom with a baby in a stroller? Do you leave the stall door open? Do you ask a stranger to watch your baby? Do you use the handicapped stall and wheel the stroller right in there with you? (That's what I do, FYI.)

BTW, I once saw a product on TV that was invented for this very purpose. It was essentially a baby-hanger. You strapped the baby into this sort of harness-thingy and then hung him over the back of the door like a purse. You know there are people out there who actually bought it.

Even figuring out how to take a shower with a baby around is a complex maneuver. Bringing the bouncy seat into the bathroom seems the simplest choice to me, but what if your bathroom’s not big enough? For some moms, the highchair is the key, but I happen to have a fear-averse baby who will hurl himself sideways in an attempt to tip over the chair and escape.

I hate to break it to you moms of one, but it only gets more complicated with 2 or more kids. For instance, I had to potty-train my older son while nursing the younger one -- SIMULTANEOUSLY. This involved clever use of the Baby Bjorn and quick reflexes to avoid dumping the baby headfirst into the toilet. I have also learned to use my teeth and toes as extra hands.

I realize that for most people, “How do you do it?” is a rhetorical question. But if I’m the one asking, please -- draw me a diagram, would you?

LINK O’ THE WEEK: This post on “When Men Go Grocery Shopping” is exactly the kind of step-by-step, illustrated guide I’m talking about.