"Just a Mom"

I read this interview with Sally Field recently where she talks about meeting women who say apologetically, “Oh, I’m just a mom.” When in fact, her Oscars and Emmys notwithstanding, Sally feels that being a mom is actually THE most important job in the world. Most of the time, I would agree. However, a couple things happened recently that shook my confidence.

First, I had an assignment to interview some doctors at one of the world’s top medical institutions. This one woman is working on a cure for a blinding eye disease that affects millions of people in Africa and worldwide. Several times a year she travels to remote villages and treats women and children who have to walk 4 hours to the medical clinic and don’t even have enough clean water to wash their faces daily. Damn. And I was feeling proud of organizing the toy box in the family room?!

And lest you think (as I wanted to), “Well, she probably doesn’t have a family of her own,” yes, she does. In fact, her daughter and her husband are working on AIDS and malaria research alongside her in Africa.

During the interview, I actually began to panic a little. What if I never get to go to Africa? What if I never have anything close to the amazing experiences this woman was describing? What if my biggest accomplishment is making homemade Play-Doh for my son's preschool class? I have a friend who joined the Peace Corps after college—wisely, BEFORE she married and had kids. It’s too late for me!! I almost have 2 kids!

It had been a monumental feat just to arrange childcare, get dressed, prepare for the interviews, and drive downtown to conduct them in person. By the end of the day, I was exhausted from being “on” all day and trying to process loads of complex medical information. I wouldn’t last a day in Africa! Who am I kidding?

But maybe when the kids are grown. I mean, I might still have a chance to go to Africa someday, right? What I will never again be able to do, however, is go strawberry picking and hiking and sailing with my fiancé with carefree, child-free abandon. What? Did I lose you?


Let me explain: We got a save-the-date for a friend’s wedding the other day. It’s out of state and a month after I’m due to give birth, so the odds of me attending are slim. Yet I was still intrigued enough to check out the wedding web site. And there, people, is where I saw them: dozens of snapshots of the happy couple in full-on outdoorsy, in-love mode, hiking in the mountains, sailing, running marathons, going to baseball games and, yes, even picking strawberries. You know the last time my husband and I spent a romantic date picking strawberries? Let me see, that would be … NEVER.

This web site depressed me. Didn’t these people ever just sit around in their sweats watching TV? (Which is, in fact, what C. and I were doing at that very moment.) Did they ever argue about where to spend the holidays or whose turn it was to brush the dog? Did they ever get bored or irritated with each other? It sure didn’t look like it.

Well, duh, you’re saying. It’s their wedding web site. I know, I know, but it’s what it REPRESENTS. I am genuinely afraid that C. and I will never again experience such carefree enjoyment of life. Those photos were a rude reminder that we have missed our opportunity to live it up before we have kids. We will probably never again go to a baseball game together because it would involve hiring a sitter for 4+ hours and I don’t even like the sport that much anyway. I will probably never train for a triathlon (J.Lo be damned!) And I seriously doubt my husband and I would ever spend a rare afternoon away from Miles picking strawberries. (If our lovebird friends had had a toddler with them, I bet they wouldn’t be looking so relaxed and happy -- and I GUARANTEE their clothes would not be so clean.)

Then I looked up from the computer and realized that for the first time all week the 2 guys I love most in the world, my husband and my son, were both in the same room with me. We were just hanging out, relaxing, laughing at Miles’ attempts to show off by dancing to The Gorillaz on top of the ottoman. And I realized, hey, it may not be Africa or a field of strawberries, but my life as “just a mom” is nothing to sneeze at.

READ O’ THE WEEK: This is Miles’ new favorite book: “I Love You, Stinky Face,” by Lisa McCourt and Cyd Moore. He seriously made me read it 6 times the day I gave it to him. I bought it at Daedalus Books, this bookstore in town that sells overstock books at huge discounts. I couldn’t find this book on their web site, though they do have lots of others.