Baby Belly Bingo

I never thought it would happen to me, but it has: I have come down with a mild case of blogger’s block. Gasp! I have nothing profound or witty or even really mildly amusing to discuss. Except for an anecdote about Miles and his unborn baby sibling. This subject has become a bit of a comedy routine:

Me: Ouch! Miles, please be careful with your elbows. There’s a baby in Mommy’s belly.

Miles: No, I have a baby in MY belly.

Me: Really? Well, THIS baby is going to be your baby brother or sister.

Miles: Can I see it?

Me: Um, not yet. It’s still growing in there.

Miles: Then can I hold it?

Frankly, I would have put off the whole discussion until I had an actual newborn to present as evidence. But we knew the day had come to address it when we came home from a night out and asked the sitter how things went. “Fine. Miles told me he’s getting a new baby brother,” she said. Oh. This was news to us and to her. Guess our secret was out!

Sticking with the pregnancy theme, let’s move on to maternity fashions, shall we? Last time around, I was still squeezing myself into my regular clothes at this point. This time? No chance. Even with the purchase of the highly touted Bella Band, this stretchy piece of fabric you wear over the top of your unbuttoned pants to create a smooth line and keep your pants up. Except it does nothing for your thighs or butt, straining at the seams below that. Not pretty. And last time I mocked the Popper Stopper, but now that my belly button has already popped out again, it’s looking like a good idea.

I have this friend, S., who throughout 3 pregnancies managed to look sexy and voluptuous rather than fat and frumpy. Maybe this time I should borrow a page from her body-hugging maternity wear philosophy instead of masking my girth in enormous sweatshirts. So today I tried on a form-fitting mid-thigh length sweater dress over jeans, like I’ve seen on some of the celebrities. Only I looked like a giant cable-knit Teletubby. And the maxidress trend? Why would I want to hang yards of fabric from my outermost point (the belly), where it will drape down to my ankles, obscuring my perfectly OK-looking legs? Maybe Gwen and Angelina can pull it off, but not this lady.

Thank goodness for A-line and empire waist tops, flattering to prego and non-prego women alike. Those should get me through the next month or so, until they get too short and drafty, you know what I mean? As for the pants, I caved in to the elastic waist weeks ago. The Bella Band can only do so much.

Personally, I am looking forward to seeing how they camouflage Rebecca Romijn’s pregnancy (with TWINS!) on “Ugly Betty.” Since she’s supposed to be a transvestite, they can’t exactly easily work it into the script. This leads me to the ...

LINK O’ THE WEEK: Jerry O'Connell Apologizes for Calling Wife Rebecca Romijn 'Huge'

READ O’ THE WEEK: Thanks to fellow writer mom Kelli, for letting me know there’s a new David book out. Hooray! We’ll have to get our hands on this one. Kids adore these books and the used bookstore near us can’t keep them on the shelves.