Month 18: Questionable Kids’ Books

Admittedly, I’ve had babyproofing on the brain lately, but has anyone else noticed that the room in “Goodnight Moon” is totally not child-safe? “In the great green room there was a telephone …” First of all, the phone cord is definitely a strangulation hazard. And it’s right next to the bed! The bed which has no side rails on it, by the way.

And an open fireplace in a kid’s room?! With fireplace tools next to it? That’s just plain irresponsible. It almost makes you overlook the knitting needles left unattended on the rocking chair before the quiet old lady comes in.

“Goodnight Moon” originally came out in 1947, though, so it’s no surprise that safety requirements have become more stringent since then. But there are plenty of other kids’ books that portray questionable judgment, to say the least. Let’s take a look at them, shall we?

Possibly the worst offender is Alexandra Day’s “Good Dog, Carl” in which the mother leaves her baby in the care of … a rottweiler!! Even Britney Spears knows better than that, people! Though the dog does clean up after himself, which is more than I can say for my husband. (FYI, Carl has his own web site.)

Next up, “Five Little Monkeys.” Don’t you think that after, say, the third monkey fell off the bed and bumped his head, the doctor may have reported the mama monkey to social services? And I’m pretty sure that 5 to a bed is against fire code.

Speaking of bed sharing, I’d like Dr. Seuss to explain why, in “Hop on Pop,” Red, Ned, Ted and Ed are sleeping together in one bed. Come to think of it, in P.D. Eastman’s “Go, Dog. Go!” 17 dogs share one bed, not even counting the 3 poor dogs on the floor!! Those dogs have bigger problems, though. They drive too fast in cars without seat belts. Plus, they drive separately even though they’re all going the exact same place. Haven’t they ever heard of carpooling?

That’s it. I’m sticking with Sandra Boynton’s “Belly Button Book” for silly, carefree literary entertainment. Although … are those hippos on Belly Button Beach wearing sunblock?

READ O’ THE WEEK: Is Your Mama a Llama? by Deborah Guarino and Steven Kellogg is a fun read, and doesn’t promote canine caregiving, speeding, or skin cancer.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: This one’s from C.: If your toddler’s attention span is too short for wordy books, skip all or part of the text and describe the pictures instead. Kids won’t notice until they’re older!