Month 17: Mr. Personality

Before we had Miles, my husband and I used to spend a lot of time playing with our dog, Gracie. C. trained her to cuddle on command and give “hugs.” We would dress her up in ridiculous outfits and put her picture on our Christmas cards. We would take her to the dog park every weekend and stand on the sidelines like anxious parents as Gracie tried to engage the other dogs in a game of Who Can Get the Muddiest.

Then we had a baby. Poor Gracie became a second-class citizen overnight. Suddenly, we couldn’t tear our eyes away from Miles’ tiny feet and fuzzy head. We started dressing HIM in ridiculous outfits and put the baby’s picture on our Christmas cards instead of the dog’s. It’s only natural, right?

The thing I didn’t get until I had a baby of my own was how much fun they can be. People love to talk about diapers and sleep deprivation and the other horrors of parenthood (myself included). But you have to ask, then why do people keep having babies?? Obviously, they must have SOME redeeming qualities!

Of course they do. And I’m not even talking about the sappy greeting-card crap like babies' laughter sounds sweeter than an angel's song or whatever. I mean, babies have actual personalities! Anyone who’s ever heard a 5-year-old give a running commentary from a bathroom stall knows that kids are funny. I just didn’t realize that they develop their own personalities so early. It blows my mind that Miles has been alive just over ONE YEAR and he’s already the life of the party. I know people who’ve had 3 or 4 DECADES to develop their personalities and you still wouldn’t want to sit next to them at a dinner party!

I’ve started a list of what I love about Miles. (I go through it in my head when he’s lying flat on his back in the middle of the sidewalk crying because he doesn’t want to leave the park.)

• The funny way he says “snack.” (Schnaaack.)
  

• Sometimes he’ll bust into some crazy dance or start spinning around for no reason.

• One time I said we needed to find a towel for his bath and he started going “whoo, whoo,” because he thought I said “owl.”

• He puckers his mouth up like a fish when he kisses you.

• He calls pumpkins “cuppies.” (Hey, he’s got the “p” and the “k” sounds in there!)

• He likes to sit on our laps and watch Elmo videos on YouTube. (Check out Elmo’s duet with the Goo-Goo dolls and Elmo with Robert DeNiro. Don’t ask me why DeNiro turns into a cabbage.)

And that’s only the beginning, people! So all you childless folks, ditch your dog and get knocked up ASAP. :) Oh, the fun that’s in store for you …

READ O’ THE WEEK: The Bright Side of Disaster by Katherine Center is a very entertaining and realistic story about a new mom who’s got it SO much worse than most of us.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting, gives a great suggestion: Hang towels over the tops of doors to prevent your child from slamming the door on his fingers. Cheaper than those foam thingies!