Portrait By a Young Artist

Can we talk about this picture for a minute? My 4 y.o. came home from preschool with it the other day and it’s been adorning our kitchen wall ever since.

The boy is getting to be quite the artist, I’ll give him that. It wasn’t so long ago he was bringing home deformed blobs of Play-Doh dotted with buttons and macaroni and pronouncing it “birthday cake.”

What gets me is the level of detail in his family portrait. He’s colored himself green (his favorite shade), aptly depicted his baby brother with red hair, and even included his dad’s Adam’s apple. And yet he couldn’t even give HIS OWN MOM hair or a nose?!

Now, I do like how he drew me with blue feet. Perhaps that’s a nod to my stylish footwear. But what’s with the crazy, bendy pose at the top of the page? Is this symbolic of how I bend over backwards for my family? How I tie myself in knots to cater to my kids? Or did he (more likely) simply run out of room after drawing the rest of the family? Thanks, kid. Thanks a lot.

It’s like the time he gave me a Mother’s Day card with what I thought was a lovingly rendered portrait of his mom. Nope. He set me straight: “It’s a candy machine.”

Of course, his Father’s Day card WAS adorned with a picture of his dad … and his dad’s smelly sneakers, complete with wavy lines to illustrate how the stench was wafting out of the shoes. Very life-like.

Miles’ favorite things to draw, however, seem to be animals. There was his koala period, when every marsupial was, oddly, drawn with a belly button. Dogs and cats are popular subjects. Then he moved on to his licensed-character phase: Mickey Mouse, Kung Fu Panda, and the Pink Panther. (Or, when he can’t find a pink marker, the Purple Panther.)

At age 4, my boy is certainly a prolific artist. Now the only question is, what do I do with all this artwork? I’m running out of room on the fridge. Maybe if he’d draw a decent picture of ME sometime, I’d even get it framed.

LINK O’ THE WEEK: Minky Moo’s portrait of another young artist, aka The Boss.

Trucks and Candy

Who knew I was ahead of the curve last week when I blogged about “me time”? Well, lo and behold, I picked up the latest issue of Babytalk (free at Babies R Us, BTW) and right there on the cover it says: “Take Back Your Me-Time!” The article takes you through 5 “rules”:

1. Real “me” time leaves you feeling refreshed and regret-free.
2. Stake claim to your “me” time by scheduling it on your calendar -- in pen.
3. Include some other adults in your “me” time.
4. Adult-only “me” time is ideal, but if that’s too stressful, go to Plan B. (e.g., Turn on “Sesame Street” so you can enjoy your morning coffee in peace.)
5. Trust that you will get your “me” time -- eventually! (Really? Like in 16 years?)

Can I just complain a teeny bit here about “me-time” thieves? For instance, my toddler just started pre-school. It was supposed to be 2 mornings a week for 3 hours. Except the first week, you “transition” them by going with them for an hour, then dropping them off for 2 hours. Then the following week, the teachers decided that because half the kids were still having trouble adjusting (not MY kid, mind you!) they’d stick to the 2-hour days for the time being.

Now, I don’t want to be labeled the “problem mom” right off the bat, so I bit my tongue. But I’ll be honest: I’m not happy about this. Setting aside the issue of tuition and that half the school holidays happen to fall on one of the 2 days a week my son’s in school, there’s the issue of 2 hours being too damn short to accomplish anything.

I’ve already been late to pick-up twice because of doctor’s appointments. You can’t exactly hurry those along. And as another mom put it, “Two hours is barely enough to go grocery shopping and put all the food away!” Amen, sister. Then, they schedule things like parent’s coffees during the school hours. What’s a mom to do? It’s a me-time conspiracy, I tell you!

Then there’s the issue of filling the rest of the day. I must be the only mom to struggle with this, because I never hear other people complain about it. Most people complain that there aren’t enough hours in the day. But I’m sorry, when you’re on your own with an active toddler, the day’s just too damn long!

I love spending time with my son, but he jumps from one activity to the next so fast, I’ve run through a week’s worth of fun activities in a single morning! And you know I have a problem with the playground. I just can’t spend all afternoon there every day. I just can’t. So we go to the library, we go to story time, we have picnics in the yard, but it never seems to keep both of us busy and happy until dinnertime.

And now that Miles is in school, being home is too boring for him. Seriously. He’s the only kid who cries at PICK-UP because he doesn’t want to leave. Thanks, buddy. In the car he starts wailing, “I don’ WANNNA go home!!” I ask him, where do you want to go then? “To the store!” The store? What for? “Trucks and candy!” I can safely say we have never made a “trucks and candy” run to any store before, ever, so that must be wishful thinking on his part.

Speaking of candy, why for the love of God are they selling Halloween candy already?! You know a pregnant woman can’t resist that kind of temptation. So my baby’s now, what? About 5 oz. or the size of a turnip, according to Babycenter.com. And at this point, it’s half chocolate and half candy corn. Healthy, huh? What can I say, I only have 2 hours to get all my errands done. And since caffeine’s out, I’ve got to fuel up somehow. So sugar it is!

QUOTE O’ THE WEEK: “It’s not a bribe unless you’re trying to get someone to do something they shouldn’t be doing.” Sadly, I can’t remember where I read this. But I like it.