Wardrobe Malfunction

Good-bye, shrunken T-shirts. Farewell, faded cargo pants. Good riddance, bleach-stained warmup jacket. Yes, people, this weekend I decided to—wait for it—OVERHAUL MY WARDROBE.

If you can use the word “wardrobe” to describe my pathetic collection of mismatched clearance-rack finds, are-they-or-aren’t-they maternity shirts, and rarely-worn formal wear.

I don’t have an event to go to or an ex-boyfriend to impress. It’s just that I reached the tipping point, probably when I realized I was wearing a holey T-shirt my husband brought home from a business trip to Las Vegas...5 years ago.

So I set out for the outlet mall, blissfully solo. The last time I spent an entire day shopping for myself was 2008. I came home with tons of stuff for my son, but barely a single outfit for me. Other ill-fated shopping trips include the time I went in search of skinny jeans. I consider just buying a couple of accessories at Target a big deal.

First of all, shopping takes time. The walking around, the trying stuff on, the bathroom breaks, the refueling at the food court… But funny thing -- if you’re not weighed down with a stroller, diaper bag, a couple of kids, and a bazillion snacks, you can actually zip in and out of stores rather quickly.

Have you noticed that a lot of outlets are not really outlets? They either sell the same stuff as the regular store (at the same slightly discounted prices) or they sell lower quality stuff made specifically for the outlet store. (Yes, you, J. Crew.) But there are still a few true bargains out there and I scored some big ones. I’m talking 70% off, under $10, big-name brands, too.

My best haul was from Eddie Bauer. I know!! You’re thinking frumpy, outdoorsy, flannel and plaid, right? Wrong. They’ve made themselves over, like Banana Republic and J. Crew. I found embellished T-shirts, dark-wash denim trousers, and cute cords. The biggest compliment was when I tried on my purchases for my hubs at home and he said, “Nice. That looks like Anthropologie.” (Yeah, he’s got a little metro in him.)

And you can’t go wrong at the Loft (which, strangely, seems to have dropped the “Ann Taylor” from its name). Love their basic tees and accessories.

OK, OK, I couldn’t resist the Gymboree outlet. But I only bought one shirt for each kid, I swear!

When I got home, I tried on all my new clothes with stuff I already had. I “shopped my closet” as the fashion experts on the makeover shows say. And what do you know? Once I weeded out all the ill-fitting Old Navy crap, I actually have some cute things! Who knew a couple “statement necklaces,” colorful scarves, and fitted jackets could transform this frumpy soccer mom into a suburban fashionista?

But I’m hanging onto the Las Vegas T-shirt. I mean, let’s not go too crazy. I still spend half my life at the playground, you know.