Did anyone see that Michael J. Fox special a while back, “Adventures of an Incurable Optimist?” If not, you should. I am fascinated by stuff like that. I get sucked into articles that promise “7 Secrets to a Happier Life” and “What the Happiest People on Earth Know that You Don’t.”
It’s not that I’m UN-happy. It’s just that I really do believe that some people are naturally optimistic and some people aren’t. My 3 y.o. son, Miles, as I’ve mentioned before, is naturally happy. It’s just the way he is. Even if he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, spills his juice, and sobs into his Goldfish because I won’t let him watch 12 straight hours of Little Einsteins, he gets over it pretty quickly and is soon happily playing with his cars. He doesn’t dwell, doesn’t hold grudges.
I, on the other hand, am always wary, always worrying, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I like to think I’m realistic, grounded, practical. But maybe I’m just a grump.
My husband and I have arguments all the time that stem from our different views of “negative” and “positive.” He leans towards Miles in terms of temperament. So if I start to go on and on about how our windows are leaking, we have ants in the kitchen, and there are 5 baskets of unfolded laundry that need attention, he gets annoyed. “Enough with the negativity!” he’ll moan.
See, that’s where we’re different. I don’t see that stuff as negative -- even though it’s certainly not positive. It’s just reality. And we’ve got to deal with it whether we like it or not. I don’t see how ignoring the less pleasant parts of life helps any. It certainly doesn’t make them go away.
Nevertheless, I have been making a concerted effort to be a happier person. (Ignore that snort from my husband.) Partly, it’s because I don’t want my kids drawing frowny faces on me in all their pictures. Partly, it’s because Miles asks me several times a week, “Are you happy, Mama?” and I want to be able to answer truthfully. And partly, it’s because if someone with a degenerative disease like Michael J. Fox can be happy most of the time, then so can I, dammit!
So here are some of my happiness “secrets” I’ve discovered:
Think less, do more. I’m a writer, a thinker, a ruminator. I spend a lot of time in my head imagining what MIGHT happen, what I SHOULD be doing, and what other people COULD think of me. A recipe for misery, right? But now that I’ve got 2 kids, a leaky house, and endless loads of laundry to occupy me, I have less time to dwell on the (imaginary) negatives.
Be in the moment. Now, I hate this statement so much that I wrote an entire blog post about it. But guess what? It’s true. You enjoy life more if you focus on doing what you’re doing, not what you already did or should’ve done, or what you will do or should probably do.
What’s helped me is to stop watching the clock. It does me no good to remind myself that my husband won’t be home for 7 hours or that it’s only 10 a.m. and the kids are already bored. So we get busy watching worms in the dirt or pretending to be pirates and before I know it, the time has flown by.
Be kind to yourself. Again, it’s a cliché. People say it, but what does it really mean? For me, it means allowing myself to nap on the couch with the baby if I feel like it, instead of running around straightening up the house or checking e-mail. Allowing myself to pop in a movie on a rainy afternoon instead of forcing everybody to do some enriching activity. Ordering takeout sometimes -- even on a Monday! -- rather than making a meal from scratch that half the family won’t even eat.
You know that saying, “Laugh and the world laughs with you”? (That’s a saying, right? Or is it an REM song?) Anyway, I’m finding that to be true. When I’m happier, people are nicer to me. People hold doors for me, help me with my bags, give me extra coupons. Just the other day I got a free drink at Baja Fresh. (Also on the list of secrets to happiness: nachos.)
Michael J. Fox is on to something, people. And so is Miles. His motto is: When life hands you lemons, beg your Mom for lemonade.
LINK O’ THE WEEK: One of my writing students just published this awesome, honest essay about adjusting to being a SAHM. I can totally relate, can you?
6/15/09
Adventures of a Recovering Pessimist
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9 comments:
I saw the Michael J. Fox special, too. But I caught something else in it. They did a study with optimists and pessimists to determine whether that state of mind is simply attitude or a part of who they are. The optimists performed better when they focused on the positive, the pessimists performed better when they were allowed to focus on the obstacles they had to overcome. Michael J. Fox himself acknowledged that, while you don't want to get bogged down in your problems, you still need to honor who you are
Great post. I think all SAHM could benefit from reading this!
That's right, Judy. Good point!
I read your blog all the time and just love it! Thank you for your candid insight and great perspective. I never realized I could enjoy and relate to a stranger's blog so much.
Great post... 'think less, do more' is great. I so often am thinking about all I should be doing when I should just get up an do it already! I'm pretty negative sometimes... I do complain a lot... I am trying to be more positive and trying to worry less, 'don't sweat the small stuff', you know?
This is a really great post. I think I"ll link to it tomorrow!
thanks, all!
Meagan, I should've linked to YOU: http://thehappiestmom.com/
Wow - my husband and I have that same conversation ALL the time. And I like to think of myself the same way - a realist who is just trying to plan for things. Great perspective...thanks for sharing!
I prefer the term "realist." Interesting, this happy thing must be going around. I'm reading a lot about it lately (a recent interview in The Sun was particularly great).
Thanks for sharing your insight!
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