Stain Removal's Not for Sissies

It’s no secret that motherhood is messy business. But there’s a whole other level of stains beyond spit-ups, diaper leaks, and spilled juice. Some moms (ahem, Kate Gosselin of “Jon & Kate Plus 8”) won’t let their kids near a frosted cupcake or felt-tip marker for fear of a day spent scrubbing out stains in the laundry room. Please. Frosting and markers are child’s play. How about some of these stains?

The Hot Seat. “How did the back of his shorts get all red?” C. asked one day, changing Miles into his PJs. Well, that’s what happens when a child takes red sidewalk chalk, scribbles all over the seat of his ride-on motorcycle, and then proceeds to ride it around the yard in his blue-and-white striped shorts. Duh.

Minty-Fresh Carpet. My friend T. was busy getting ready for work one morning when she noticed her 2-year-old son was being suspiciously quiet in the next room. With good reason – he was busy grinding toothpaste into the rug with the computer mouse.

Poo Slider. My SIL took her daughter to the park one morning, dressed in their Sunday best. After a tandem trip down the slide, my SIL noticed a funky odor coming off both of them. To her horror, she realized the slide was streaked with dog poo, probably from some kid’s shoe. Ewwww….

Coal Miner’s Son. Speaking of gross stuff at the park, I was attempting to finish the abs and stretching portion of Stroller Strides one day while distracting my son from the playground. “We’ll go AFTER Mommy’s done exercising, OK?” He agreed too readily; he’d just discovered an ashy pile of black crud beneath some charcoal grills. I’m STILL digging it out from under his nails.

The Glitterati. I suspect my (other) SIL is getting back at all those people who gave her kids inappropriate and/or messy gifts over the years. How else to explain why another mom would give your child a multicolored, glitter play sand kit? Every crevice of Miles’ body, shoes, and several toys were instantly encrusted with purple and orange glittery sand. “It’s non-toxic,” my SIL told me, as if THAT was my main concern!

I’m sure that’s only the beginning. We had a couple near-misses with a lipstick, and our new couch is just begging for a vat of cranberry juice to fall on it. Fortunately, diaper wipes have gotten out 90% of our stains to date. As for toothpaste in the carpet, I’m afraid you’re on your own.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: I love, love, LOVE my Magic Eraser. This thing is genius, I’m telling you. It gets smudges off walls and doors, crayon off refrigerators, and much, much more.