Month 15: Elmo Kills

Like SIDS and vaccinations and fatal nut allergies aren’t enough for moms to worry about, now there’s the possibility that the cute little Sesame Street Light-Up Musical Pal in the toy box may just, oh, I don’t know, KILL YOUR CHILD!! As you’ve probably heard, Mattel recalled 9 million toys this week, including a bunch of Elmo and Dora items, because they “could contain dangerous lead paint or have magnets that children could swallow.”

Super. Is it just me or are baby and kids’ items recalled constantly? I picked up a couple of things at Babies R Us the other day for a friend’s baby shower and as soon as I walked in, I was bombarded with a barrage of recall notices posted inside the store. And it’s not just companies that market that crappy junk jewelry they sell in gumball machines at the supermarket. (I mean, is it a big shocker that that stuff is dangerous? Those “princess” necklaces turn your skin GREEN!!) It’s big, “trusted” companies like Fisher-Price, Pottery Barn Kids, Disney, Graco…

When you’ve got a few hours to spare, check out the comprehensive list at the US Consumer Product Safety Administration’s web site. And this is just the non-toy list. (Again, is anyone shocked that crystal-studded pacifiers are on the list? What’s next, Baby’s First Fireworks Kit?)

Every other week, I hear about something else that’s bad for my baby. Can anyone tell me what the hell’s the deal with soy? Is it good, bad, indifferent? I’m a vegetarian and I don’t even know. Just today a woman in my Stroller Strides class told me her pediatrician said not to feed kids those soy nuggets. And here I am, thinking I’m giving Miles a healthy alternative to chicken nuggets. I brought grapes to share after class and even though I carefully washed them first, I was still paranoid that the other moms might recoil in horror at the sight of the presumably pesticide-laden non-organic produce. Or maybe that’s just me (blush).

With my son, though, lead-poisoned Elmos and toxic soy nuggets are the least of my worries. The other day I turned around to find Miles sitting on the kitchen floor, stabbing a paring knife into the linoleum. Quick as lightning, he’d snaked it out of the dishwasher when I opened it to put in his (probably recalled) sippy cup, unbeknownst to me. Now THAT’S scary!!

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Check out Woman’s Day columnist and author Paula Spencer’s “My Turn” piece in Newsweek on the dangers of fear-based parenting. I agree, long-sleeved swimsuits are a travesty.