Month 14: You Might Be a Real Mom if …

You know the difference between a burp cloth and a receiving blanket.

You actually have an opinion on diaper brands.

You get excited when you get a coupon for baby wipes in the mail.

You think nothing of sniffing your child’s butt and picking his nose.

Your clothes are stained with bodily fluids that are not your own.

You get upset when you see a small baby in the hot sun with no hat on.

Your vocabulary now includes the words “fussy,” “nummies,” and “potty.”

You are capable of carrying an infant, a stroller, a diaper bag, and a large coffee at the same time.

You discover that the water bottle you brought to the gym is actually a sippy cup.

You have ever attended religious services solely for the free childcare.

You consider a trip to the dentist your special alone time.

You decide you could never be friends with that mom at the park who’s wearing pressed white pants and heels.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Keep coupons for baby items in your diaper bag or wallet. That way you won’t get to the checkout counter and discover you left them in the kitchen drawer at home.