Month 13: Grandparent Personality Types

Grandma and Grandpa. Gram and Grampy. Nana and Pop. Oma and Opa. Whatever you call them, grandparents can be a wonderful addition to your child’s life. I was lucky enough to have two sets when I was growing up.

One grandmother taught me how to do my nails and sew. It’s not her fault neither skill quite caught on with me. One grandfather tried to teach me to sail and fish. Again, never really got the hang of either. Worms? Are just gross, people. But the point is, my grandparents tried to teach me stuff that my parents either didn’t know how to do, or (more likely) didn’t have the patience or desire to try to teach me. Also, my grandparents let me eat sugary cereal.

Now that I’m a parent myself, I’ve noticed that all grandparents are not created equal. There are in fact several distinct Grandparent Personality Types. Here are a few.

First, there are the Hands-On Helpers. These are the grandparents who are right there in the trenches with you, changing diapers, getting up with baby during the night, soothing and singing to him while you take a shower. If you’re lucky enough to have this kind, treat them well. They will be the ones who babysit your kids for a week while you and your husband go on a cruise someday.

Then there are the Adore from Afar grandparents. Though equally enamored with their grandchildren, they are not quite so hands-on. They may hold the baby when asked, and will certainly coo at him, but they’ll hand him back at the first sign of a dirty diaper. These grandparents usually lavish their grandkids with kisses and gifts, but are conveniently busy when you need someone to babysit. But really, can you blame them? They raised their own damn kids and are happy to be done with that chapter of their lives.

Over in the Critics’ Corner are the grandparents who love to critique and/or comment on every parenting decision you make. Comments like “He needs a hat” or “You’re STILL breastfeeding?” or “We never worried about putting you kids in a playpen” roll off their tongues. To be fair, they probably do have the baby’s best interest at heart. But they’ll drive you nuts if you let them. Corral their criticism by putting them to work: “Show me again how you suggest swaddling the baby, Nana?”

Some grandparents are combinations of these types. Some, sadly, are nasty or not interested in their grandkids at all. So, if you’re lucky enough to have some halfway decent ones in your child’s life, be thankful. I know I am. I’m looking forward to Miles (not) learning to knit, sew, play golf, and paddle a canoe from his grandparents.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Don’t assume grandparents know how to work all those new-fangled baby gadgets. When their kids were small, highchairs didn’t have 5-point harnesses and toys didn’t speak Spanish. Be patient with them. Like when my mom handed my SIL the humidifier when she asked for the breastpump.