Month 11: TV vs. Real Life

Did anyone catch the premiere of the new sitcom "Notes from the Underbelly" on ABC the other night? Finally someone gets it that this having-a-baby thing is funny stuff. While I thought the show was pretty good, I do take issue with the catchy little opening graphic showing the svelte silhouette of a woman sipping a Cosmopolitan and pushing a baby carriage. "Sex and the City" is over, people. Can we all just move on?

Not all of us are Carrie Bradshaw-wannabes with closets full of designer shoes and "it" bags. Some of us are perfectly happy with our Payless flats and Target knockoffs. I'm especially sick of this whole "hot mama" movement. You thought the pressure to have a baby was bad? Well now you have to look smokin' hot while having it. You're supposed to stuff your swollen feet into stilettos, bare your "bump" for all the world to see, and look sexy while you're gestating a brand-new human the size of a Thanksgiving turkey inside your Pilates-primed hot bod.

It almost makes you yearn for the days of smock dresses and neck bows. Isn't that what our mothers wore? Lucky them. They didn't concern themselves with ridiculous products like "Popper Stoppers", or how to keep their thong from riding up over the top of their low-rise maternity jeans. They weren't barraged with images of Angelina and Gwen and Brooke and Katie and countless other celebrity baby bumps.

"Notes from the Underbelly" also got me thinking about how these days we're only offered a pick-your-stereotype menu of mom "types." There's the aforementioned hip, urban, post-"Sex and the City" hot mama, or there's the minivan-driving suburban soccer mom. There's the wholesome stay-at-home mom who makes her own organic baby food, or there's the driven career mom with a breast pump in one hand and a briefcase in the other.

I don't know about you, but neither I nor most of my mom friends fit neatly into any of those categories. What about the work-at-home moms who are happy to bring in enough extra income to cover a week's vacation at the beach? What about the part-time paralegals/full-time wives and mothers? What about the medical students, the stay-at-home moms who spend hours a week volunteering, and the moms who write novels at night?

But listen, I'm not an idiot. I know it's just a TV show. People want entertainment, not real life. Who wants to watch some pregnant chick salivating over the Pottery Barn Kids catalog and then scouring the housewares section of TJ Maxx for that perfect green gingham lampshade? Who wants to watch her and her husband sitting in front of the TV night after night because she feels too tired and too fat to go out?

Who wants to listen to endless debates over baby names and how every single godforsaken name reminds the dad-to-be of some annoying kid he once sat next to in Sunday school a million years ago? Who wants to watch the expecting couple spend hours surfing the Internet to compare prices and ratings on car seats?

I get it. Real-life pregnancy and new parenthood is boring. Hot mamas driving Mini Coopers and living in huge LA homes and modeling fabulous wardrobes make for much better TV. But if I see one more goddamned Cosmopolitan or Jimmy Choo, I'm gonna scream.