Week 15: Pregnancy for Dummies

The other day I was having lunch with a couple of friends with small children. The littlest people in our party turned out to have a big impact on the day’s plans. First of all, lunch was delayed 45 minutes because 10-month-old Ava had napped longer than usual. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal, except there were two pregnant women in our party, including me. So we were ravenous by the time the others showed up. I was drooling enviously at 18-month-old Addie’s Tupperware container of Cheerios, which she was gummily snacking on in her stroller.

Then we had to find a restaurant that appealed to 3 ½-year-old Olivia, whose current diet consists solely of chicken fingers and pizza. When we finally found a place, there was a minor situation when it turned out they didn’t allow strollers in the dining room. But high chairs were procured, strollers were stowed, and we were finally shown to our table.

When our meals arrived, I had heartily tucked into my tacos when I noticed that neither of my mom-friends had taken so much as a bite. They were busy laying out disposable plastic placemats, fastening bibs, retrieving sippy cups from the floor, and cutting up chicken into bite-sized chunks. The one poor mom with two kids said, “It’s always like this when we go to a restaurant. I never get to eat.” No wonder she’d lost all the baby weight already.

Sitting there, I was in awe of these women. How did they know how to do all this stuff? How did they know that the baby was grunting for her milk and not more chicken? How did they know to pack placemats and individually wrapped snacks? I know it sounds stupid. I guess they just figured it out along the way. And I’m sure I will. But at that moment, it was like I was an interloper in some mystical world of mommies – a world that I’m going to become a part of in a little over six months.

Of course, before I even get to the Cheerios and Pampers, there’s that little thing called labor and delivery. And I admit, I’m ignorant about that part. I mean, obviously, I know the basics. But when my mom-friends start going on about Braxton-Hicks contractions, mucous plugs, back labor, and episiotomies, I draw a blank.

One friend, after taking in my blank stare, suggested, “You might want to get a book or something.” I have books. I have a whole library! I just haven’t quite gotten to those chapters yet. I’ve purposely been holding off because I don’t want to scare myself. I don’t really need to know all the gory details, do I? I figure I’m better off being in the dark about some of that stuff.

On another note: I noticed for the first time this morning that my stomach now sticks out even when I’m lying on my back in bed. There’s a little, unmistakable bulge around my belly button. There’s really a baby in there! I swear, I’m not stupid, I’m just a slow – and sometimes reluctant, at least when it comes to gross medical stuff – learner.