Warning: Family Outings May Be Hazardous

I’ve got some advice for you: next time you think about taking your kids somewhere, don’t. Trust me when I say it will only end in disaster.

Case in point: earlier this week, the boys and I joined a friend and her 3 kids on a visit to the science center. This involved packing up 5 kids ages 16 mos.-5 years in one minivan and driving downtown. Just installing the car seats was a major feat.

Unfurling the strollers, crossing busy intersections, and gaining admission were no small tasks, either, but things started off fairly smoothly. We got there right when it opened so it wasn’t crowded. The kids eagerly ran around exploring all the cool exhibits.

Then, 45 min. later, things started to go downhill. First, I ran out of snacks. I naively thought that since the baby had eaten breakfast right before we left, a bag of popcorn, some Goldfish, and a granola bar would last till lunch. Wrong. He plowed through all that and was still whining for more.

Then he started to protest being confined to the stroller. Against my better judgment I let him out, whereupon he promptly climbed up on a dinosaur display that was clearly labeled “Do not even THINK of climbing on this.” A chase ensued, followed by a heated struggle to get him back in the stroller. A passerby laughed. Glad I can provide entertainment for you, lady.

Then my friend’s 2 y.o. broke out in a rash all over his face and arms. A freak allergic reaction to the sand in the fossil-finding area? Or maybe the vapor used in the tornado exhibit? Who knows. We decided to high-tail it out of there, anyway. But first we had to feed the troops or risk mutiny.

When I tell you we caused a spectacle in the cafeteria, I am not being dramatic. The 2 babies were crying and kicking in their highchairs, another kid was lying on the filthy floor, and another was sprinting his way toward the exit. Meanwhile, all around us, groups of Stepford children were sitting with their parents, calmly and quietly eating their lunch. What the heck’s wrong with OUR kids?!

When we finally made it home, we were so traumatized we didn’t leave the house again for days. Until I decided to take everybody to the pool.

If only I hadn’t insisted on stopping by the post office first. If only Miles hadn’t worn flip-flips. If only I hadn’t asked him to open the heavy, metal-edged door so I could push the stroller through. Maybe then he wouldn’t have sliced off the top of his toe and launched a medical emergency right there in the middle of the post office.

The place looked like a crime scene by the time I’d quieted my son’s screams and rustled up a band-aid. And no one came to our aid, in case you’re wondering. Except for the nice guy who offered Miles a mailing label as an award for bravery. No pool for us. It was off to the doctor’s instead.

I won’t get into the ice cream outing that ended with a preschooler fistfight. Suffice it to say, we’re staying home and watching TV for the rest of the summer.

TIP O’ THE WEEK: Pick a pediatrician you really, really love. I interviewed 3 before my first baby was born. If you’ve got kids like mine, you may see way more of their doctor than your own spouse.

"Me Time" Crunch

“Take time for yourself.” Everyone says it, few people do it, yet everyone needs it. Before I had a baby, this phrase meant nothing to me. After all, pretty much any time that wasn’t spent at work or with my husband was “me time.” I had no shortage of it.

Then I entered a stage of life where I had to choose between eating, sleeping, or bathing, because there was simply not time to do all three. That’s when I finally understood this “finding time for yourself” concept. As with a lot of things we know are good for us, though, it’s easier said than done.

I just concluded one of my craziest weeks in recent memory. A combination of deadlines, drama, family visits, Miles starting school, husband out of town, etc. conspired to turn me into ball of stress. It was literally a case of too much to do, not enough time. Whereas usually I’m concerned with how to fill the time, since I have a toddler with the attention span of a gnat.

So you know how people (a.k.a. my mom) say, “You’ve just got to let some things go”? Well, what would you propose I let go from this list: paying work that I’ve signed a contract to complete, sleep, taking my son to school and picking him up, providing him 3 meals a day plus snacks, laundry, dishes, prenatal appointments. Does any of that seem optional to you?

Notice that I said “provide” meals, not “prepare” them. But even that requires nuking some chicken nuggets, opening a can, or sitting in a drive-thru line. And those things take time, people!! Time I do not have! I can’t even keep up with loading and unloading the dishwasher lately.

Still, I was determined to squeeze in some crucial “me time.” One of my writing students passed along a great quote: “No one has time. You have to make time.” Amen to that! So this is what my sometimes pitiful “me time” looked like this week:

- 15 min. promotional reflexology session in the lobby of a loud, crowded gym

- 20 min. perusing the 19-page photo spread of the Jolie-Pitt twins while pedaling a recumbent bike

- Watching a recorded episode of “Gossip Girl” (no time for commercials!)

- A 20-min. nap after putting Miles down for his nap and before taking my parents to the train station

- A 60-minute yoga class during which I could not stop staring at myself in the mirror and thinking, “Damn, I look pregnant already!” Unlike last time when I was still in the “chunky but not obviously pregnant” phase at this point.

All in all, not too bad, right? It adds up to something almost every day. Not quite the same as a day at the spa or an all-day Saturday shopping session, but right now, I’ll take what I can get.

LAUGH O’ THE WEEK: C. asked Miles what he thought we should name the baby. Without hesitation he replied, “Henry.” Where did he come up with that? We don’t even know anyone named Henry. Won’t he be disappointed if it’s a girl …

RECIPE O’ THE WEEK: After 2 weeks of takeout and frozen food, I had to break the cycle. This Easy Enchilada Casserole is quick, vegetarian, and made with mostly frozen or canned ingredients. It’s from “The Mom’s Guide to Meal Makeovers” cookbook.

Ingredients:
28-oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 tablespoon canola oil
16-oz. bag frozen, mixed bell pepper strips
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon dried oregano
¼ teaspoon salt
12-oz. bag soy crumbles (like Morningstar Farms Grillers)
15-oz. can black beans, rinsed & drained
12 6-inch corn tortillas
2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

1. Coat a 9x13” pan with cooking spray.

2. Heat oil in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add peppers, spices & salt and cook until peppers are tender, about 5 min.

3. Add crushed tomatoes, soy crumbles & beans. Stir to combine, cook for 5 min.

4. Arrange several tortillas on the bottom of the baking pan. Top with half the bean mixture and 1 cup of cheese. Add another layer of tortillas, bean mixture & cheese.

5. Bake uncovered at 400 degrees until cheese melts, about 20 min. Serve with sour cream, sliced avocados & sliced olives if desired.