Healthy Eating? Oprah’s Got Nothing on Us

Remember my plan to cook more creative, healthy meals this year? And what a flop the tofu nuggets were? Well, I didn’t let that faze me, people. I’m forging ahead. OK, so I’ve slacked off a little. What mere mortal mom could keep that up 7 days a week? (Or even 5.) But we’ve had some culinary hits in our house.

The zucchini bread, for instance: huge hit. As was the coconut banana bread. Even when I sneaked in wheat germ and flaxseed. But baked goods aren’t much of a challenge, are they? A far more satisfactory success was getting my 4yo to eat tilapia. I’m not kidding; he loved it. Scarfed it down. Asked for more. And last night my veggie-phobic toddler devoured some vegetable lasagna. I was so proud.

But this -- THIS made my heart swell: Miles’ friend C. came over one afternoon and asked if he could stay for dinner. Now, this kid’s poor mom has been known to make 3 separate entrees for her 3 children. So I said, “Sure! We’re having chickpea coconut curry over rice. If you’ll eat that, you can stay for dinner.”

C. looked skeptical. “What does it look like?” he asked warily.

I dished up a tiny serving and showed it to him. “That looks pretty good,” he said.

“Oh, it IS,” I assured him, hoping I wasn’t overselling it.

So I sat the kids down at the table and C. took a bite. “Mmm, I like this,” he said, sounding as surprised as I felt. “Will you tell my mom I tried something new?”

“I sure will. What a good eater you are, C!”

Not to be outdone, Miles chimed in, “I think it looks good, too, Mom.” Now, I can assure you that if it was just us, he would have a MUCH different reaction to his dinner. For once, peer pressure was working in my favor.

Meanwhile in his highchair, Riley was shouting, “CHICK-pea! CHICK-pea!” and popping them into his mouth one by one. I didn’t even care that he was picking around the tomatoes and scattering the rice all over the floor.

So what if dinner lasted only 7 minutes? So what if half an hour later the kids were begging for snacks? So what if they reject this exact same meal next week? At least it’s a start, right?

LINK O’ THE WEEK: Oprah did a show about her staff’s one-week vegan challenge. Did you see it? It was eye-opening in so many ways. There was a fast-food-addicted woman who said before this, she only pooped once a WEEK!!

Of course, the employee cafeteria was cooking up all sorts of delicious vegan meals for the staff, so that’s not much of a challenge. Come over and cook for me and I’ll eat as healthy as you want!

My favorite part was when the vegan expert took a lady shopping at Whole Foods and loaded her up with all this fancy health food -– never once mentioning that the contents of her shopping cart cost a FORTUNE! People call it “Whole Paycheck” for a reason, you know.

Dream Big

The other night when nothing was on TV, I found myself watching the 1988 movie “Big.” First of all, how cute was Tom Hanks? And second, how horrible that his parents thought he was kidnapped all that time he was really living it up in NYC? (Even in my downtime, I’m still a mom!) But that’s beside the point.

In the movie, if you recall, Hanks’ character lucks into a dream job as a product developer for a toy company. Of course, they don’t know he’s really a 13-year-old boy in a 30-year-old’s body, but that’s not the point either.

The point I’m trying to make is that he finds success, happiness and even a girlfriend, simply by being himself. Is that a great message or what?

Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled with what to do with my life. I certainly did not know at age 13 that I wanted to be a freelance writer. I distinctly remember the day my friend Tracy DID announce on the school bus that she was going to be a freelance writer when she grew up, because I had no idea what that meant. I probably intended to look it up later, but got too busy applying my Bonne Bell lip gloss and worrying whether my bangs were big enough.

Anyway, my career path has been a long and circuitous route, to say the least. It’s always felt like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It never seemed like my talents matched up to what employers were looking for. But Tom Hanks got me thinking: if someone WAS willing to give me a big, fat paycheck to do whatever I wanted, what would it be? I’ve got some ideas.

Entertainment consultant. I read about this ex-Marine who is a military consultant to the TV and movie industry. Basically, he goes to the set and tells them what wars and army bases and stuff should really look and sound like in real life, not Hollywood’s idea of military life.

I would like to be a “motherhood consultant.” I would tell producers and directors what life with kids is REALLY like. For instance, there would be more than a single baby bottle on the counter to signify an infant in the house. And most moms certainly do not gallivant around in full makeup and stylish, body-conscious clothes at all times. Also, most of us do not suddenly go into labor and give birth in the time it takes to sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” (6 min., I Googled it) like Quinn Fabray on the season finale of “Glee.” Just saying.

Children’s book consultant. I don’t really want to be an editor (that’s far too much like real work!) but I would like to work with authors and publishers to help them tailor their books to real kids. For instance, they should never use the word “pooped” to mean tired. You’re just ASKING for potty-talk.

And what’s with the delicate pop-ups and lift-the-flaps for the under-3 set? Those books are destroyed in MINUTES. Also, beware of incongruous illustrations that don’t relate to the story. In one of my sons’ books, there’s a random snake on a beach – a detail which never goes unnoticed, not even on the 117th reading.

O magazine columnist. But why stray too far from my writer roots? Writing’s really what I love to do best. So I propose that O magazine should make me a columnist. I’ve been reading it for years, and I think I share O’s mission of helping women -- moms especially – accept and embrace their true selves, fulfill their potential, and find happiness. And a cute pair of shoes.

Oprah’s always saying that motherhood’s the hardest job there is, right? Well, I have the war stories to prove it, and I’d package each one neatly with an inspirational message about what the experience has taught me and how others might look at their own lives differently.

For instance, getting out the door in the morning with a small child who operates at an excruciatingly sluggish pace is a reminder to slow down and live in the moment.

Oh, who am I kidding? It’s a lesson in patience, the supply of which required for parenthood would tax even the Dalai Lama himself. But what was I saying again? Oh, right. Be true to yourself and success will follow. It worked for Tom Hanks, anyway.

LINK O’ THE WEEK: I’ve gotta give props to fellow blogger Stephanie Stearns, aka @MinkyMoo. In addition to “Big,” it was a vlog on her new and improved DialMforMinky.com that got me thinking about this topic. This girl needs to be on TV, don’t you agree?

Moms in the Media

I tend to become consumed by whatever is going on in my life at the time. And since I’m in the throes of second-time new motherhood right now, that’s my obsession du jour. As much as I want to care about what’s going on in the world or who’s going to win “Dancing With the Stars,” I can’t. I can only focus on what’s relevant to my life right now—and that’s sleep, poop, and breastfeeding.

If there was a 24-hour parenting channel, I’d watch it. Instead, I have to cobble together my own version: “A Baby Story,” “Bringing Home Baby,” and “Jon & Kate Plus 8” on TLC, Tori Spelling’s reality show on Oxygen, and the new sitcom “In the Motherhood” on ABC, based on the popular web series. The web version starred Jenny McCarthy and Chelsea Handler, but I’ll accept Megan Mullally and Cheryl Hines as substitutes.

Occasionally, Oprah does an episode that piques my interest, like yesterday’s show on the "Secret Lives of Moms.” It featured the authors of the book, I'd Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper which is their third book on essentially the same topic: true confessions of would-be supermoms.

The point is honesty and solidarity, say the authors. But the books also offer a good laugh, along with a healthy dose of “thank God I’m not THAT bad!” Like the mom who confessed to wearing Depends because she doesn’t have time to go to the bathroom. Or the dad who said, “I could come home for dinner, but I choose to work late. Who wants to come home to 2 screaming kids and a bowl of cereal?” Nice.

The show also featured the aforementioned Cheryl Hines, and uber-mommy blogger Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com. Did you know she started with an audience of 30 people and she now has millions of readers and makes $40k a month from her blog?? Damn, girl!! Dare to dream.

While pop culture’s my preference, sometimes my appetite for mom-related news leads me to more cerebral fare. (Or rather, my more well-read relatives clip it out and send it to me!) The New Yorker recently did a story on the history of breastfeeding, which may sound like a snooze fest except that it made some interesting points, like about how breastfeeding went from being considered a low-class task best farmed out to wet nurses, to a status symbol among the upper class.

More interesting to me, though, was The Atlantic’s article, “The Case Against Breastfeeding.” It’s an eye-opener all right, even if some of the writer’s statements did rub me the wrong way. Like, if a woman decides to breastfeed exclusively for 6 mos., “it is a serious time commitment that pretty much guarantees that you will not work in any meaningful way.” Ouch! It is pretty funny how Rosin compares breast-feeding advocates and formula makers to Crips and Bloods. Ha! It’s definitely a highly charged issue, that’s for sure.

I do find it refreshing that all kinds of outlets, from the Today Show to blogs to The Atlantic find these topics worthy of discussion and debate. It’s a nice break from the tabloid “bump watch” and stories about how celebs lost the baby weight. Though I’m not going to pretend I don’t read those. On 4 hrs. sleep a night, that’s often all I can handle!

Found any other interesting mom- or baby-related news out there? Share with the class!

TIP O’ THE WEEK: File this under “Why didn’t I think of this before?” Since getting to the post office is near impossible with a newborn and a toddler, I finally just ordered stamps online so I can send out my birth announcements already. Definitely worth the $1 shipping cost.