We Are Family

It's the holiday season, and you know what that means... Dashing through the airport, sitting in traffic, waiting for a plane to go or a bus to come or a train to go or a car to run. (Apologies to Dr. Seuss.) All to visit FAMILY. Because that's what you do this time of year, right?

Well, this year we opted out. For Thanksgiving anyway. We stayed home, hosted nothing, visited no one. It wasn't an easy decision, but for the first time, I realized that we -- just the 4 of us -- well, you'll have to read more at TheBump.com to find out:

Tofurky Time!

I’ve been a vegetarian for more than 23 years. (Typing that number just now I almost had a coronary, realizing how old that makes me!) Ever since junior high, when I just couldn’t take my mother’s cooking anymore. I think it was the ham rollups stuffed with ricotta and raisins that put me over the edge.

Don’t get me wrong, my mom is a good cook, if perhaps a little overly creative at times. I certainly appreciate her efforts a lot more now that I have to feed my own (picky) family, night after night.

So obviously, I was not raised vegetarian. I ate my share of Happy Meals and hot dogs. But somewhere along the line, meat began to gross me out. The thought, the texture. It may have also had something to do with reading Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle,” in English class. (Tip for happy carnivores: DON'T. You’ll never look at a burger the same way again.)

It started out as kind of an experiment. How long could I go without eating meat? Would I miss it? Would my iron levels plummet, making me weak and anemic and stunting my growth? (My mother’s fear.) The answers: a long, long time; no; and no.

I developed a snappy retort for all those people who asked, incredulously, “But if you don’t eat meat, what DO you eat?” Answer: “Everything else.” To be specific, I eat pasta, eggs, beans, nuts, peanut butter, and a range of soy products from the excellent Morningstar Farms brand. I am not a strict vegetarian, because I have been known to eat soup made from chicken broth, and I do eat seafood from time to time.

My husband is not a vegetarian, nor are my kids -- except sort of, by default, since I do most of the cooking. C. sometimes complains that we eat too many carbs, and blames any extra pounds on our meat-free meals. I tell him, “Cook yourself a steak, then.” I can abide meat in my house, even in my pots and pans, but don’t expect me to cook it. That's like asking a deaf man to compose a symphony. Oh, wait, Beethoven...

Anyway, Miles enjoys the occasional turkey sandwich, hot dog, or nuggets at Chick-fil-A, but he just as happily munches soy-based “Chik’n nuggets” and black bean tacos. Riley has yet to have his first taste of meat. (I don’t know about you, but I find the pureed, jarred baby-food meat nas-TY!)

It’s much more common to be a vegetarian these days, so I’m not as much of an oddball as I once was. Except on Thanksgiving. No one can believe that even on this great American holiday, I don’t let one bite of the bird pass my lips. Not that a hunk of steaming flesh sawed off a crispy bird carcass isn’t appealing and all. ;) But there’s so much other food at Thanksgiving – vegetables, even! – that I don’t miss it a bit.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I have tried the whimsically named “Tofurky.” Once, with some friends. We pretty much all agreed it looked, smelled, and tasted disgusting. And the texture... Yeeuuuccchhhh!

So I’ll just stick to the green beans, squash, and stuffing, thanks. That leaves more bird carcass for the rest of you!

READS O’ THE WEEK: One of my former students wrote this column about what happened when her teen daughter gave up meat. And here's an essay about the challenges of putting a strict vegetarian through preschool.

Old Tom Turkey & Rusty the Snowman

We had snow flurries the other day here in Baltimore. I had no idea snow was even predicted, since I’m not allowed to watch the weather report anymore. My son thinks the TV is exclusively his, and if it is not tuned to PBS Kids or Sprout, he simply turns it off -- regardless of who else may be watching it at the time. So I was surprised to glance out the window and see what looked like a life-sized snow globe.

I pointed out the snow to Miles and he said, “Oh! Is it Christmas?” This struck me as both funny and brilliant. It’s not like we’ve been talking up the holidays in our house. We don’t go on and on about Santa and reindeer and sleighs. And yet somehow, this 2 ½ year old has already learned to associate snow with Christmas. Of course, we have been doing nightly readings of “The Grinch,” so maybe that’s where he got it.

Miles is a little confused about some of the other holidays, though. He still hasn’t grasped the fact that his birthday comes just once a year. And trick-or-treating made a big impact on him this year, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that every once in a while out of the blue he’ll say, “Is it Halloween time, Mommy?” Besides, he’s got a point: pumpkins and scarecrows are still everywhere.

Of course, lately we’ve been talking about Thanksgiving. We’re headed up to visit both families in New England for the holiday. So nearly every morning Miles will ask, “Is it Thanksgiving at Mamie and Pop’s house?” At school, he’s been making finger-painted turkeys and Indian headdresses. Today they had a Thanksgiving “feast,” to which I was asked to contribute cut-up grapes. Somehow, I doubt the Pilgrims and Native Americans worried about choking hazards; small pox was probably more of a concern, don't you think?

Miles often comes home from school singing bits and pieces of various songs he’s learned. The Thanksgiving one is about Old Tom Turkey, but the lyrics are a little unclear. From what I gather, Tom has a run-in with a duck and they both end up saying, “Gobble, gobble.”

I was thrown for a loop the other day when, following yet another reading of “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas,” Miles asked me to read Rusty.

“Rusty?” I asked, racking my brain to think of what book he might be referring to.

“The snowman!” he clarified. Ohhhh, that would be “Rusty” the Snowman. Of course.

So we’re off to start the holidays, with visions of turkeys and pumpkins and snowmen dancing in our heads. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

QUOTE O’ THE WEEK: “Kiwi makes me happy.” --Miles

RECIPE O’ THE WEEK: The hardest part of Emeril’s delicious, quick & easy cranberry sauce is zesting the orange. Tip: use any red wine if you don’t have port.