Reality TV for Moms

I hate to admit it, but reality TV has kind of grown on me. I guess this is not SO surprising, since I do prefer real life over fiction any day. What I hate are cringe-inducing shows featuring overly coiffed bimbos dripping mascara tears and professing their love for some dork they just met yesterday. So while you won’t catch me watching reality shows on dating or dancing or even dog-whispering, I AM intrigued by programs about pregnancy and parenthood. Yep, that’s my “escapist” indulgence after I put the tot to bed. Go figure.

Back in the day, I was a 90210 fan. (I still have the tacky twin-sized comforter to prove it. Thanks, Mom.) So perhaps it’s no big mystery why I like Tori Spelling’s reality show. What?! I think she’s funny. Don’t judge me. Like on last night’s episode, before her ob/gyn appointment –- she’s pregnant with her second baby, a girl –- she was talking about her irrational fears.

Tori: “Could the baby puncture one of my organs, causing me to bleed internally, therefore drowning her in my own blood?”

Dean (her husband): “Um … let’s ask Dr. J.”

Who among us hasn’t been there, peppering our husbands with all sorts of inane and improbable fears? I also like the show because their baby boy, Liam, is super cute. Once he was on the red carpet for the first time with his parents, being blasted by about 4 zillion flashbulbs and paparazzi and he’s all, “Yeah, baby!” mugging for the cameras and waving his hands around, rocking a tiny faux-hawk. Anyway, you should watch it.

Then there’s the new show, “The Baby Borrowers,” in which several teenage couples move in to their own houses and learn what it’s like to take care of a real baby. For several days, they have to care for an infant, then they move on to a toddler, teenager, and senior citizen. Pretty clever concept.

In the first episode, the teen girls had to put on a fake pregnant belly and take a class on childcare. This one girl totally flipped out because her boyfriend laughed when he saw her with the belly on. Girl, you are in for a serious shock if you think that’s the worst of it. She didn’t even have to strap on a fake pregnancy butt!! And it’s not like they induced morning sickness or gave her hemorrhoids, even. The belly’s a piece of cake, if you ask me.

My first thought when a bunch of parents showed up to hand off their (real) babies to these couples was, “What the hell kind of parent would willingly turn over their precious infant to a couple of underage complete strangers?!” One mom said she was a teenage mother herself and wanted to show teens how hard it is. OK, I guess that’s a good reason. Also, there were behind-the-scenes nannies in each house in case of emergency, and the parents could watch their babies on closed-circuit TV. But still. If you saw some of these couples... “Immature” would be a NICE way of putting it.

It was kind of funny to watch these kids struggling with feeding, diapering, and getting the babies to sleep, but mostly it just confirmed what us moms already know: taking care of a baby is DAMN HARD WORK. Of course, what the teens could never know is that when it’s your own, it’s different. It just is.

But could you imagine having cameras on you 24/7?? Then people would know that I let Miles eat food he’s dropped on the floor. And that C. lets him listen to explicit versions of rap songs. And that I often eat ice cream straight out of the container while I’m watching my shows. And who’d be crazy enough to reveal that stuff? ;)

WISH O’ THE WEEK: Happy 4th of July, everyone! Have fun even if you can’t stay up late enough to watch the fireworks and your kids are scared of them, anyway.