Week 32: Too Much Info

Maybe we should have adopted. It’s got to be less overwhelming than sitting through seven hours of “childbirth preparation” at the hospital last Sunday. From breathing techniques to labor terminology to medical interventions, the sheer magnitude of information left C. and me reeling by the end of the day. Thank goodness for the multiple snack and bathroom breaks. There’s just so much to KNOW about having a baby!

Some of it I wish I didn’t know. Like I really didn’t need to visualize the 10 cm my cervix will dilate in order to give birth. But a helpful plastic model was passed around for all to see. And I could have done without the full-color cloth model of the placenta that the instructor demonstrated delivering. (It looked like a jellyfish, if you want the truth.) And the model of the uterus? That resembled a misshapen, striped knit sock. Not sure how anatomically correct that one was.

But it was the videos on epidurals and C-sections that scared me. I thought an epidural was a one-time deal, like an injection of Novocain at the dentist. Except the (very large) needle is inserted into your SPINE and they LEAVE IT THERE. That’s right, they attach a tube so they can adjust the level of medication throughout labor. THROUGH YOUR SPINE.

Then there’s Pitocin, a synthetic form of the so-called “cuddle chemical” oxytocin, which your body is supposed to produce naturally during labor to help facilitate contractions. Sounds innocuous enough. Except there’s nothing cuddly about the super-strong, extra-intense contractions that Pitocin brings on. Plus, it can actually prolong labor. Who knew?

I’m guessing not everyone, based on the discussion at my baby shower last weekend. Besides me, there were two other pregnant women there. They casually chatted about the pain-numbing drugs they were planning to have administered the moment they set foot in the hospital. Was I really considering a natural birth?! they asked, stunned. I hemmed and hawed.

Never having done this before, I hate to go into the delivery room with strict rules about what I definitely will and definitely won’t do. It’s not a moral or religious issue. If you want drugs, by all means bring on the drugs. I just like the idea of the kinder, gentler, more natural birth they talked about in my HypnoBirthing class. “Your body knows what to do,” was the constant refrain. I sure hope so, because thanks to the packets of handouts, stacks of books, and reams of notes I’ve accumulated, my mind has pretty much shut down at this point.

Weird Symptom of the Week: Braxton Hicks or “practice” contractions. These are sporadic uterine contractions that increase towards the end of pregnancy. They’re reportedly painless, but feeling your abdomen tighten up till it’s rock-hard isn’t the most comfortable sensation.